The Power Inside (Kylo Ren)

Fifteen

Ren ran as fast as he could while holding her. Everyone stared at him as he ran past; seeing Commander Kylo Ren carrying a lifeless girl while running was unusual to say the least. His heart was pounding inside of his chest. 

Fuck, Elle i'm so sorry. 

He reached the medical ward in record time and quickly, but gently, placed her down on an examination table. He was shoved out of the room by a triage of medical professionals who swiftly started CPR on Elle. They wheeled her into a different room and Ren could no longer see her. 

He slammed his fist into a connecting wall, creating a large crater in it. His body was shaking as he walked back to his room. He felt like he was suffocating and the only place he would remove his helmet was in his room. As soon as the door closed behind him, he threw his helmet onto the floor, ripped off his cloak, and sank to his knees. 

He was beyond furious at himself for what he did to her but he was also scared of what the Supreme Leader would do if she didn't make it. His racing thoughts were too jumbled to decipher; Ren just snapped. He screamed and sliced his lightsaber through everything in his field of vision. He obliterated chairs, tables, doors, and walls. 

His exhaustion finally caused him to stop and he threw his unactivated lightsaber across the room. One final surge of anger landed his fists into a wall yet again. When he removed his gloves, his saw how bruised his knuckles looked and groaned. His temper; he knew he needed to learn how to control it. Ren attempted to return to the medical ward but was denied entrance so he pretended like everything was okay and tried his best to focus on his other orders. 

...

Elle's eyes shot open; she was alive but just barely. However, they weren't her physical eyes. When she looked around, she noticed that she could see her body as if she were observing it from above. 

I'm dead. I have to be dead. 

You aren't dead.

Alan had manifested as a shadow silhouette of a man again. It was like he and Elle were standing in a dark observation room together, looking down at her unconscious body.

Alan? What's going on? Why can I see myself like this?

You're unconscious and barely alive for now. 

How long have I been like this?

Four days. 

Why didn't he just let me stay dead...this is fucked up.

If I may make an observation, I would say it is because he cares for you. 

You don't kill people you care for, Alan. 

Alan reached out and pointed to the left side of the medical room. Elle hadn't noticed him before. Ren was sitting in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand. He had removed his helmet in her presence, even with the chance a medical worker might walk in.

He's...crying...

Correct. 

Why?

I don't know everything. I simply observe and make connections. I assume he is crying because he feels guilty for his actions. 

He should. He strangled me. 

You need to make a choice. 

A choice? I have a choice?

Indeed. Go back or pass on. You're in a state where it could go either way. 

I don't see a point in going back Alan. I'm dead soon anyways. Why would I give him another opportunity to hurt me?

I would advise going back. He isn't the only one in your life. 

TJ and Dez...right. Do they know what happened?

No one does except for the few individuals who worked on you. Commander Ren threatened them with death if they spoke a word to anyone about it. 

Why are you so adamant that I go back?

You won't admit it out loud but I know that you secretly want to go back. I'm a part of you, remember? 

What happens to you? 

I pass on with you.

I thought you said I had a choice in that matter.

You cannot make a choice while dead. It must be made before. 

Fuck. Fine, I'll go back. I'm not going to kill you too if there's an option not to. 

That's appreciated but what happens to me is irrelevant.

Not to me, it isn't.  

Elle was waiting to hear a response from him but his silhouette vanished. She looked down at Ren again; he had taken his glove off to hold her hand. She could almost feel his touch on her hand. 

The darkness around her vanished into a bright light and, this time, her eyes opened to the real world.