The Power Inside (Kylo Ren)

Seventeen

A month passed with little to no contact between Elle and Ren. She had been sleeping over at TJ's room but went back to her's often to change and shower. She managed to memorize the entire layout of the ship's quadrant that she was staying in. The mess hall, medical ward, central command, shuttle bay, engineering sector, soldier quarters, trooper quarters, and worker quarters were among some of the many she'd memorized the location of. 

Ren must have been lying during his check ins with General Hux and the Supreme Leader because she rarely saw him. He had stopped checking her status and the only time she did see him was when she was walking around with TJ and Dez. She missed him even after what he had done; Elle decided to go find him. She wanted to talk to him, even if it was just for a minute. 

It took her an hour to finally find him. He was walking with the Captain of war strategy and his Lieutenant. Elle stayed behind and followed them. She did her best to avoid being seen by him; she was waiting for him to be alone. They finally parted ways and Ren continued to walk forward. 

She walked over to him, "Ren..." 

He spun around to face her. "Yes?" 

"General Hux and Snoke know that I'm still alive right?"

"They do." 

"You've been lying about checking on my status?" 

"I have." His short answers were discouraging to Elle. "Did you need something?" 

"Nothing in particular." 

"Then I need to return to my work." He started walking away. 

"But..." she said softly. 

He stopped walking but remained with his back towards her. "Yes?"

"Nothing." 

Elle turned around and started walking away. Her face was hot and she wanted to scream. 

Fuck this feeling shit. It's not worth it. 

When she returned to her room, she slammed the door behind her. She was angry and confused for so many reasons. She kept questioning everything; why did she bother coming back? Why does she care about Ren? He tried to kill her, why does she still want to talk to him? Her head was spinning with thoughts. 

They should have killed me back at the lab. Why am I still forcing myself to suffer?

The final straw was the realization that she would always be surrounded by this darkness, no matter who she let into her life or what she let herself feel. No one could relate to what she had been through. Something inside of her broke. Every feeling, experience, and emotion that she had bottled up and shoved down came pouring out. 

Tears were streaming down her face as she dropped to her knees and screamed. It was like she was experiencing all of her past pain and suffering at once. Her entire body hurt and she shook violently. Between her screams and sobs, she curled up into the fetal position on the floor of her bedroom. 

Unbeknownst to Elle, Alan had decided for a split moment to stop blocking Ren from being able to hear and sense her. Across the ship, Ren suddenly heard her piercing screams. He could feel all of her pain and her desperate wish for death. And just like that, it stopped. He panicked and started running to her room, hoping that she would be there. 

He didn't bother knocking; Ren broke through the door and called out for Elle. There was no response but then he heard the crying. He ran into her room and found her on the floor. He pulled off his helmet, gloves, and cloak then picked Elle up and held her in his arms on the floor. She instinctively wrapped her arms around him and cried into his uniform. She couldn't stop but she no longer cared. 

He held her close to himself for hours, trying to calm her down. Her sobs turned into silent tears and her screams turned into whimpers. She held onto him as if her life depended on it and when Elle had finally calmed down, she felt complete emptiness. Ren kissed the top of her head and she looked up at him. 

"You were supposed to keep me safe. You were the last person I expected to hurt me Ren." 

"I know Elle and I am so sorry. I know there's nothing I can do to change what I did." 

"I've...missed you." 

He leaned down and kissed her gently. Elle felt that unfamiliar feeling in her chest again but this time she didn't try to stop it. When his lips left hers, she buried her face in his chest. Ren slowly stood up with her in his arms and carried her to her bed. He carefully layed her down and covered her up. 

"Please don't leave Ren...please." 

"I'm not going anywhere." 

He slipped off his boots and climbed into bed next to Elle. He pulled her body into his and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She leaned her head against his chest, allowing him to rest his cheek on her head. The warmth from his body surrounded her and for the first time in her life, she felt safe.