Illusion • Hemmings

Jennie

I was literally fine all day yesterday. The ceremony, the burial, the sad looks my family was giving me all night. Then at night when I looked at a picture of my parents and I after moving here to LA, I broke down. I locked my door, I trashed my room, I begged god to bring my dad back so I could tell him I love him no matter what.

I debated calling Luke, but it was too late and I didnt want to worry him. So I'm sat here staring at my wall with tear stained cheeks taking in a shakey breath every now and then. I See the sun creeping through the window and I realize I've been sitting here all night. I never slept. I decide to get in the shower and all I can actually feel is the water hitting my skin. I washed up and dried off getting on some leggings and one of Luke's shirt I have yet to give back and went into the kitchen to try and eat something although I feel like I'll be sick any minute now.

"Jennie, Sweetie, are you alright?" My mom asks as I enter the room seeing her aready cooking eggs on the stove.

"i'm fine." I say with no emotion behind my voice. I cried out everthing I had left. Now I just feel empty.. Numb.

"Hun-" She tries but i shake my head.

"Do we have any juice?" I ask looking into the fridge.

"Jennie, I could hear you all night." She tells me sadly and I ignore her finding the Orange Juice and passing her to get myself a cup. "You can't just avoid this." She speaks again as I poor the juice and take a drink suddenly feeling extremely thristy. "Jennie-" She start again I suprise myself by slamming the cup down onto the counter.

"Mother. Stop it." I snap. She looks confused for a moment but her eyes soften and her look of pity angers me further.

"Jennie, We need to talk about this. I know before everything you were always closer with your dad and maybe money changed him, changed us. But you knew he loved-"

"Shut up!" I shout covering my ears like a child. "Don't act like just becasue he's gone you want to be a caring mother all of a sudden. Remember back in Sydney when you pushed me to stay with Parker after he cheated on me!? Remember when I was happy with Luke but you still made him look stupid at our family dinner for wanting a career in music!? Do you remember you told me I'd never amount to anything in music because you wanted me to find a steady job!?" my voice just kept getting louder and louder making my throat hurt but i couldn't stop it. I was so pissed at the fact that now my mother thinks she could try and play Mum when shes just terrified of being alone,

"Jennie we talked about this. I told you I'm-" She tries and I stop her again.

"I heard you talking to the family. I heard you say that the fame went to my head and I had a Diva moment when I went to those clubs. And I heard you agree when the aunts said I have another month or so in the spotlight before everyone loses interest in me." I recall hanging up my call with Luke because the family was talking about me when they didn't know I was there.

Her face paled and I knew I caught her. She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

"Thought so. You're just scared of being alone now that dad is gone. And I'm not here to pay your bills, especially when you don't even believe in my career choice." I scoff and walk to my room to grab a coat and my phone before leaving the house and making sure to slam the door loudly behind me.

I have no idea where I want to go so I call Ryan to see if he's still in LA.

"Hey, how was-"

"Are you in town?" I ask and begin walking towards downtown.

"Yeah, I'm actually at the studio right now. What's up?" he asks speaking away from the speaker telling someone to give him a moment.

"Do you think I could take the next flight out by today or tomorrw?" I ask looking around and hoping I look as terrible as I feel.