Illusion • Hemmings

Jennie

WARNING: This chapter may be triggering so read at your own risk.

-

"You can't keep running away from this," Luke argues following me into the hotel room. If I had a dime for how many times he has said that to me, I'd be rich.

"Just stop." I groan running my hands through my hair wanting to rip it all out. Luke fighting with me is ruining my buzz from the alcohol in my system.

"Jennie just please talk to me." He begs and it's so familiar.

Too familiar. I need my distraction. I begin looking around for my pills, frantic that if I can't find them the feeling will come back. I begin going through my bag and no luck yet, my chest feels tight and my breathing begins to pick up. The thoughts, the feelings, the image of my dads body laying there lifeless. It's so much. I don't realize I'm crying until hot tears begin falling down my cheeks.

"Jennie," Luke's soft voice breaks through the dark thoughts in my head and I can't hold it back anymore.

"Stop, God fucking dammit just stop. I don't want this. I don't want to fight with you and I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to feel like this." I basically scream feeling my throat become hoarse as I begin sobbing harder.

My body is shaking uncontrollably and I know the only thing that'll calm me down right now is my pills. I look to Luke and see tears forming in his eyes and I can't take it.

"Just leave, please" I beg pushing him lightly towards the door. He stumbles a bit and then it dawns on me that I left my bottle of pills in the bathroom.

"Jennie please-" Luke tries again but instead I shake my head pushing him until he's out the door and close the door in his face.

He starts pounding on the door, yelling for me to let him back in and talk to him. I ignore his demands and go to the bathroom taking the bottle in my hands and try to catch my breath.

I shouldn't be doing this, I can't continue doing this. I look in the mirror to see my makeup running down my face and my dead eyes that seem too many shades darker along with the circles around them. My skin is pale and I never noticed until now how dead on my feet I looked. How dead i felt.

I can't go on like this. I refuse to. There's a way to get away, and the drugs may take the pain away momentarily but I know how to do it for good. I'm not thinking straight, my heart is literally aching in my chest and sobs are still falling from my lips but I still make my decision. I grip the bottle in my hands and look up to the sky telling my dad that I'd be with him soon. I open the bottle and begin pouring a handful that'll do the job into my palm I take one last deep, shaky breath mentally apologizing to Luke and the guys for not being strong enough. This was the end.

I knock back the handful of pills and sit down on the cold bathroom floor waiting for the pills to do their job.

The last thing i remember is the room fading to black and Luke's beautiful voice calling my name.

I don't know how long i was out but next thing I know I'm bent over the toilet with my body lunging forward emptying the poison from my stomach. Tears are falling down my cheeks and there's a clear sound of someone crying that isn't me. I feel arms around my body holding me tight but shaking me at the same time. I try to speak but I have no control over my bodies actions. My eyes slowing focus to see Luke crying and his lips moving but I can barely make out the words.

Another body comes into view handing Luke something then suddenly my chest and stomach is cold. My body is being shaken again and the words become clearer, "Jennie, Jennie please stay with me!"