Meredith and Zola

caught kissing?

meredith's pov
"mom. mom! answer me. talk to me. please."
"zola- i can't. get out! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!"
"mom!" she says crying.
"I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING. WE ADOPTED YOU WHEN YOU HAD NOBODY AND THIS? YOU GET PREGNANT AT FIFTEEN?"

i wake up in a puddle of sweat. my hair sticking to my back. that was the third time this month i've had the dream. my sweet baby, pregnant at fifteen? i know it's just a freaky, recurring dream but maybe it was trying to tell me something.
she's had a boyfriend for a few months; i don't know much about him other than that his name's austin. i already told her to come to me before she does anything, but should i be more pushy? about.. i don't know? birth control?
"ughhhh," i sigh, a little too loudly.
"what's wrong?" amelia asks me as i fall back into my bed.
i debate telling her. i know her and zola are close and bond while i'm at the hospital, but i want zola to trust me without me blabbing her secrets.
screw it. i need to tell somebody.
"i keep having this dream about zola getting pregnant and me yelling at her. kicking her out of the house," i answer her, not making any eye contact.
"oh. well do you think it's a sign? that you should talk to her or something? i could do it if you feel uncomfortable, like the cool aunt, ya know?"
"no. i'll do it. i feel like i should. i feels different coming from your mom and i want us to have moments like these, as awkward as they might be," i tell her with a hint of jealousy. the idea of zola growing closer and closer to amelia was comforting because that means she has a support system, but it hurts me. i know, that sounds terrible. the relationship i had with my mom was so crappy that i swore i would never do that to my kids.
"okay. should i go? do you want to do it now or...?" her voice trails off.
"yeah. yeah i'll do it now. but what do i say? here's a condom, use it?"
"i guess that works, but come on mer. tell her she can talk to you. maybe offer to take her do a doctor and buy birth control? like put her on the pill?"
"is that too much though? i don't even think she's having sex. should i even put that idea into her head?"
"oh please, mer. she's a teenager, she already has that idea in her head. and no, i don't think it's too much or too far to get her on the pill. accidents happen and things go further than planned. it's happened to us both, wether you want to admit it or not."
she has a point. i mean, that's how i ended up having sex in an exam room with a married man. and then my freaking panties were on the bulletin board the next day, but that's really not the point of this conversation.
"i don't even know why i'm yelling at her in the dream. if she ever were to get pregnant so young, i would help her. i would never kick her out of the house. do you think she knows that?"
"of course she knows that, mer! you two are so close and you love her with all your heart. the second you held her in your arms when she was six months, you had an instant bond."
"yeah. i guess you're right. okay, now shoo! i should talk to her now. where is she?"
"meredith. it's the middle of the day. she's at school."
"oh yeah. wow, i'm a great mom," i say, already exhausted.
~a few hours later in zola's pov~
i'm sitting in the car, making out with austin. he offered to drive me home today and i knew we would get caught in his car if we weren't careful. i give him one last kiss before telling him i should go.
"aww, so soon?" he gives me a warm smile so i know he's playing around and not actually mad.
"yes, i know, so soon. i definitely don't want to get caught kissing you out here. can you imagine if my aunts caught us? or worse, my mom?? god, she would kill me- no actually, she'd kill you," i tell him.
he chuckles before saying something that takes my breath away.
"you know, we could go a little further than.. just kissing. if you want.." his voice trails off.
"i umm.. i gotta go. and i'll ask about the party this weekend!" i yell to him as i close the car door.
he totally caught me off guard with that. my mom always told me to come to her or whatever if i wanted to talk. and i do. this is sooo confusing. of course i want to talk to her but i know that she'll give me the 'mom' response and lecture me relentlessly. and she'd never even think about letting me go to the party on friday night.
and do i even want to go further than kissing? i don't know. just a few months ago i had my first kiss and told my mom kids my age were having sex.
i feel like i should talk to her before she catches us doing anything. yeah. i'll do that. it's the right thing to do, right?
i walk in the door and see my mom on the couch, ready to talk to me.
"zola. we should probably have a talk," she says to me. but for some reason, she looks nervous. not her warm, motherly look that she gives me when i get home from school.
did she see us in the car? damn it.
she lets my mind wander to all the bad things i've ever done as she walks with me up the steps.