Meredith and Zola

out of line

meredith's pov~
"did you get it on your way home?" i ask maggie.
"yes, but can we please talk about this?"
"fine! but get amelia too so i only have to go through this once." i tell her.
"amelia! come here! meredith thinks she's-" maggie starts yelling.
"shut up! my kids are here! if you tell the entire house that i might be pregnant, i'll kill you. i just had this talk with zola about being more careful, and bam! here i am in this situation. oh my god i can't do this," i'm panicking, to say the least.
"what's happening?" amelia asks as she comes into my room.
"mer's peeing on a stick!" maggie tells her.
"meredith! you're pregnant? geez. i thought you were in like, menopause or something. you're really old, no offense." amelia says.
"shut up amelia! and i'm not that old. and i don't even know if i'm pregnant. maggie picked up a test on the way home for me," i say.
"oh about that, are you paying me back? i didn't realize how expensive those things were," she asks me.
"not the point maggie. i'm taking the test now and then i'll explain what happened. okay?"
the box says it'll only take five minutes. suddenly, i get really nostalgic. to when derek and i tried for months and i had to take fertility drugs to have bailey. i peed on sooo many sticks that year. and then ellis, the worst day of my life. i mean, the morning was okay, great actually. but that's when derek died.
i take a deep breath and exhale through my mouth before leaving the bathroom.
"what happened?" they both ask in unison.
"so i don't really know where to start, but here goes. zola's boyfriend, austin, is hayes's son, and-"
"no. i mean what happened with you? why do you think you're pregnant?" amelia asks.
"i'm getting there! be patient. when i found out he was his son, there was like a moment. i was screaming at him and blaming him, and i don't know. he moved closer to me, we kissed, and well, you know the rest."
"mcwidow? huh. i didn't see it before, but now i totally do. he's kind of hot, in a way." amelia says.
"shut up amelia. you used a condom though, right? so why are you worried?" maggie says; she's the reasonable one.
"well, no actually, we didn't."
"oh. so you're on birth control?" amelia says.
"also no. it was just really sudden," i say.
"oh my god, mer. you really might be pregnant," amelia tells me, like i don't already know.
"i can't be pregnant, can i? like come on, is the universe this screwed up?"
"when did this happen?" maggie asks.
"umm... a few weeks ago. a month maybe. and we've done it since then, but we used protection."
"and are you late?" maggie asks the follow up question.
"umm...yes. but only a few days, it's probably nothing." i say, "it's probably been five minutes, i'll check now."
i can see amelia and maggie make eye contact as i turn my back. i pick up the test from the back of the toilet. it's negative. thank god. not that i wouldn't have loved the baby, it's just i can't have a fourth child as a single mother. after all, i do have a hostile uterus so i'm not that surprised
"and??" amelia asks.
"it's negative!" i say, with relief. walk out of the bathroom and fall onto my bed, face first.
"can you guys give me a minute please? those were some of the scariest five minutes of my life. and i've drowned, offered my life to a gun man, and been in a plane crash," i ask.
"of course. oh, and zola wants to talk to you but we shooed her away," maggie tells me.
oh god, what now?
"okay. send her in. and thanks guys." i say.
"hey moommm," zola says in her sweetest voice.
"what now?"
"can i go to the mall with my friends tomorrow?" she asks.
"no zola. you already knew that. you're not even half way through your grounding." i say, frustrated. i'm really not in the mood for this and i want her to know that.
"i know, but it's sofia's birthday and we were all going-" she starts, but her voice suddenly stops.
"what's wrong?" i ask, concerned.
"mom, are you pregnant?" she asks.
"what? umm... how- what are you talking about?"
"i can see the box on your night table; now are you pregnant or not?" she repeats herself.
"no. no, i'm not. i thought i was, but i'm not." i tell her, not that it's any of her business. i'm still really mad she got drunk and went directly against what i told her to do.
"oh. aren't you like, too old?" she asks.
"no! why does everybody keep asking me that?" i ask rhetorically.
"this is going to seem out of context, but do you know who austin's father is?" i ask.
"no. i mean, not really. i know his mom died a few years ago, but no, not really." she says.
"actually, his father is my coworker. i found out last month, it was a funny coincidence." i say. should i tell her that he's the one who would have been the father? no, right? what kind of mother tells that to her daughter?
"huh! that's weird. i didn't even know he was a doctor. wait what does this have to do with anything again? oh- wait. mom! is he...? austin's dad! you slept with austin's dad?! he's my boyfriend... how could you do that? to me? please tell me it's not true, that i'm wrong."
i didn't have to tell her. she put it together herself.
"no, you're not wrong. i'm really sorry, zozo. i didn't plan on it." i tell her. this is not going to end well, and i know it.
"don't call me zozo! i can't believe you! even if you were mad that i drank or whatever. was it before or after you found out he was austin's dad?" she asks.
"umm...after. multiple times, after. and you drinking is not 'whatever'. it could have ended much worse than it did!" i say. i probably shouldn't be telling her this, but i might as well be honest.
"mom! god! could you not keep your pants on?  did you not think about how i would feel about it?" she screams.
"zola grey shepherd, it's not any of your business! it may have been out of line, but who i'm in a relationship with is not your concern. your behavior is unacceptable right now!" i scold.
"out of line? and my behavior? i really love how you lecture me on thinking before i do anything, and here we are! and are you even in a relationship with him? or did you screw him once and leave?"
"zola! oh my god. i get that you're a little pissed off right now, but shut up! you're acting totally insane right now. this is-and i can't stress it enough- none of your business. you're grounded for another month, and go to your room! i can't even look at your right now!" we're both yelling as loud as we can, and i'm fully aware the whole house can hear.
"fine! ground me, i don't care! i'm still going to be with austin, even if the two of you get married and you get pregnant! i really couldn't care less!" she screams at me, runs down the hall, and slams the door.
i immediately start crying my eyes out, but i muffle my tears so nobody, especially zola, can hear me. i really shouldn't be sleeping with him. it's wrong and i know it, but it feels so good and right when it's happening. even the universe knows it shouldn't be, i almost got pregnant.
we're going to have to talk tomorrow, even though we both have the day off. i'm not breaking things off with him, but zola will have definitely told austin, so he's going to get mad at his dad, and- uhh. i'm too tired for this right now.