Outsider

Sixteen

Following Lara's death, life resumed at Hydra as if nothing had happened.  Yet, I knew something had happened.  Lara's blank face with a bloody hole in her head haunted me relentlessly.  This death differed from Papa's because I actually saw Lara collapse, dead.  I never saw the Winter Soldier kill Papa, and I didn't know if it'd be worse if I did.

Time progressed, winter turned to summer; and all of a sudden I was eleven years old.  No celebration occurred, but Oliver hugged me when I told him.  That was one of the best gifts I could've received- the other being escaping Hydra.  Being eleven and all, I was beginning to notice changes in my body.  My chest had grown out a little bit, but I was still as skinny as a rake.  Red dots plagued my face, and when I picked at them they would scab and look unappealing.  One of the more immature Hydra soldiers called me names in Russian, which at the time I could not understand, but I could still tell they were insults.  I was definitely not feeling like a princess.

Despite the discomfort it caused me, I would use the vents to explore the Hydra facility at night.  The cramped, dark space in the vents that reeked of dead animals would make my eyes water and my breath hasten, but I still ventured there many times a week.  Most times, I would find nothing of interest.

Except once.

To be honest, I had no idea what I was looking for at this point.  I had seen the memorial of Black Widows, the torture chair, the training rooms, and I even found a way to Oliver's cell.  But, one night I just kept crawling in the metal tunnel; blindly moving forward.  I had had trouble sleeping that night, as I was thinking of Papa and our little home.  Part of me whispered that I should go see Oliver, but a louder part of me wanted to be alone.  Oliver had done so much for me these past few years, I wanted to do something on my own for a change.  I wanted to possibly help him.  That was a ridiculous statement because I had not a trace of an idea of what I was looking for!

Eventually I crawled up to a vent with a slotted opening. Using my precious knife that Hydra had not yet discovered that I stole, I pried out the screws and removed the vent.  The drop to the floor was quite treacherous- if I landed in any wrong way I would break my leg, and where would that leave me?  But, falling off of the damned rock wall so many times aided me with this task.  I landed with both feet first, hearing the metal of the floor beneath me clang; luckily there were no guards to be seen.  The air seemed to grow very frigid, and I shivered in just my training shirt and pants.  Rubbing my arms, I slowly stepped forward and looked at the haunting room around me.

The room had two levels, connected with a thin metal staircase.  On the lower level, the floor was damp with condensation and grimy mildew.  Spread on both sides of the hallway, straight and orderly, were long tubes that reached the top of the ceiling.  Fog spouted from the tubes, creating a mist around my feet.  I couldn't see past the tube's clear walls, as precipitation had concealed the entirety of the casing.  At the end of the room, there was one tube in the centre, and a panel not far from it.  The panel had buttons and levers, but I ignored it as to not press something that alerts Hydra that I'm here.  

My heart started pitter-pattering faster.  Something about this room didn't feel right.  Why were the tubes so big?  Why was the room as cold as an icicle?  God, I wished I had Oliver with me at that moment, I was beginning to feel scared.  The same scaredness that arised when Hydra invaded my home, and when I was forced to climb the rock wall.  That type of a scaredness really leaves a pitting feeling in your stomach.  Despite all the training and all the fears that I had overcome with my time at Hydra, it was as if I had travelled back in time and was the same little girl who was scared of her own shadow when I arrived here.  

Why are you so weak?  What could possibly be behind those tubes?  Are you a baby?  A tiny voice was whispering- the same voice that wanted me to be alone.  And I listened.  Frowning at my weakness, I decided to rip my fears away like a band aid and I wiped away the precipitation covering the last tube.

Nothing could've prepared me for what I saw.