Outsider

Thirteen

"Welcome home," Rumlow said, removing the sack from my head.  He shoved me along the familiar hallways of the Hydra base and into the training room.  I was still extremely fatigued after being up the entire night retrieving my boarding pass, and I couldn't sleep in the car ride back to the base.  My mind was also elsewhere, praying that the little slip of paper I had stowed away in the bottom of my suitcase wouldn't get found.  Yawning, I said dumbly, "Can't I just go to bed?"  Although it wouldn't compare to the comfort of that queen-sized bed at the hotel, my cell bed seemed like bliss at the moment

"Fat chance, Fleur.  Shut up and do as your told." Rumlow replied pushing me onto the mat.  I noticed that Oliver was standing beside me, and that many Hydra soldiers had formed a ring surrounding us, keeping us both on the mat.  Clearing his throat, Rumlow coughed and then said with a laughter to his voice, "Today is a very special day.  Today, our two trainees will begin their first sparring session.  Today, they will fight to the last one standing."

I have to fight Oliver?   I glanced at Ollie worriedly, but his eyes were cast elsewhere.  Following their direction, I was met with the dead face of the Winter Soldier.  "We have to fight him?" I asked.

No answer.  

"This shit is ridiculous," I muttered.  Oliver grabbed my arm, silently begging me to stop.  "We have to do this," my friend said quietly.  "It's okay, Liss,"  But, no one could deny seeing the terror in his blue eyes.  That's when I realized that I needed to protect Oliver- it was my turn this time.  

My feet barely touched the floor as I darted towards the Winter Soldier.  I knew he was going to try and choke slam me, so I ducked behind him.  I needed to take down his metal arm, that was his strongest point.  Hands acting like claws, I gripped the back of the arm and pulled with all my strength, but to no avail.  The Winter Soldier grabbed my arm and flung me hard to the ground.

"Elissa!"  A faint, faraway voice was calling me.

"Papa-?" I slurred, sitting up.  Oliver was at my side.  My back ached like it was hit with an anvil, and I groaned.

Before Oliver could explain what had happened, he was snatched away.  "Ollie!" I screamed as the Winter Soldier threw punch after punch at him.  My friend's nose went bloody, his eyes were black and blue, and he was losing consciousness.  Pleadingly, my eyes shot up at Rumlow, but he ignored my gaze.  I cried, "Do something!"  But, to no avail.  Oliver was going to be pummelled to death if no one did anything.  

So, I did something.

Adrenaline fuelled my veins as I ran up to a Hydra soldier.  They could not hide their shock as I quickly grabbed a knife from their belt.  Blinded by tears that poured down my hot cheeks, I ran back at the Winter Soldier.  

I felt nothing as the blade first went into his back.  The second time I stabbed him, my rage seemed to release itself and I felt stronger than ever before.  The Winter Soldier attempted to fling me away, but I held my position.  After what seemed like countless stabbings, a Hydra officer tried to pull me away.  I punched him in the face, which shocked everyone, including Rumlow.  It felt so good to have some control over something.  Someone shouted, "Stop!"  I couldn't tell who it was.  Killing their best assassin was the only thing I could think of; every time I drove my knife into the Winter Soldier was revenge for killing Papa and abusing Oliver.  Strangely, I almost enjoyed myself while doing it.  By the end I was laughing in a low voice.  That's how it feels.  That's how it feels.  

Then, that someone placed his thin hand on my shoulder, and looked me in the eyes.  "Elissa, stop." Oliver said, face bloodied and battered, but blue eyes wide and sincere.  "You aren't like them, you aren't a killer."  The blade fell to the ground.  Gasping, I collapsed on my knees and saw the chaos that had ensued- the chaos I had caused.  The Winter Soldier's black clothes were seeping with blood which was pooling around us on the mat.  Glancing down, I noticed my hands were soaked the thick, red substance.  "Ollie?" I whispered, it was the only word I could think of.  

What the hell was I thinking?

Later that night, my eyes stared blankly at my cell wall.  My hands were cleaned of the blood, and Rumlow even congratulated me on my skill, but I was numb to all of it.  All I could think of was that I was turning into Hydra, I was becoming a killer.  The scariest part of the whole stabbing incident was that the control I had over everything felt amazing.  My eyes focused on my hands.  I remember how I compared Oliver's body to mine the first time I laid eyes upon him, and now they were quite similar to each other.  But, there was something about my body that made it one thousand times worse than his- I was intending on killing the Winter Soldier.

"Liss?"  I looked up and saw Oliver, who had managed to sneak into my cell.  His name barely left my lips as I ran into his arms and sobbed.  Papa would say sometimes that silence speaks louder than words, and I never understood it until now.  The embrace we shared was comforting, and I released all the emotion that came with Hydra.  Finally, I choked, "I just wanted to protect you, I don't want to be a killer."

Oliver smiled, and said, "You aren't a killer, thank you for protecting me."  

"I can't believe I stabbed the Winter Soldier," I said, wiping my eyes.  "But, I guess I still can't believe why he thinks murder for Hydra is okay.  I guess we're kinda the same."

Shaking his head, my friend replied, "You're definitely not as bad as the Winter Soldier.  He has no remorse, and you, you have remorse.  That's what makes you different from all of Hydra, Elissa, is the fact that you have emotion.  Plus, the stunt you pulled back there was pretty badass."

"Badass?" I snickered, "Ollie, that's the first time I've heard you swear!"

Oliver shrugged.  "First time for everything."  I leaned on my friend's shoulder and sighed.  "Thank you," I breathed.  We stayed like that for a long time.