Outsider

Thirty-four

I'm doing the right thing.

"How long will it take for us to get to Canada?" I asked the driver, a young and new Crimson Night member tasked with transport.

"Nine hours if there's no traffic," replied the driver.

Nodding, I stared out the window anxiously, looking for anything suspicious.  My hands would not stop shaking, and blue veins had bulged out of them.  Every part of my body seemed worn down, proving that fear can really break a person.  I wanted Matt, I wanted Trish and Jasmine- I even wanted Tobias.  Right now I was heading into the unknown, when I wanted so badly to be with my family.  Slowly, I turned my head and looked out the back window.  "Goodbye," I breathed, voice so hushed that only I could hear it.

Then, my eye caught something else.  Parked in the corner of the street, between two buildings, was a black van.  Two men dressed in black suits stood beside it, and I could feel their gaze lock with mine.  Again, my life was beginning to turn for the worst; and I was so tired of it!  "Fucking get us out of here!" I ordered the driver.  "And give me some bullets!"  I loaded the handgun and began firing out the back window, at the van.  The crowd scattered in screams of terror.  The S.H.I.E.L.D. agents hopped into their van and began following us at an alarming speed.  I yelled at the driver, "Jesus, get us the hell out of here!"

"There's too much traffic!  I can't- I don't want to kill anyone."

"Oh, for fuck's sake-"  I kicked the car door open and stepped into the open streets.  Maybe if I were to disappear into the crowd, I could take a bus to Canada instead.  My connections with Crimson Night could get me across the border.  I began shoving my way through the crowd, pretending to act terrified like the rest of them.  With my heart racing, I needed some Criz.  Pill after pill kept entering my throat, then I threw the pill box away as not to look like a suspect.  Several S.H.I.E.L.D. agents started dispersing through the crowd, each with loaded stun guns and tasers.  When one saw my red hoodie and bulky gun in my pocket, the rest caught on and started to work their way towards me.  

I ripped a coat off a clothing rack in a market, and swung it around my shoulders.  The wig and glasses were torn away and thrown to the ground.  Slowly but surely my pace quickened into a lame jog, my stupid ankle was refusing to cooperate and let me run faster.  Buildings grew fewer and far between, I was exposed.  In the distance I saw the bustling of cars directing themselves to the Manhattan Bridge.  Somehow I need to get there, I decided.  When the crowd began to lessen, I snuck unnoticed into an alleway.  Concealed behind trashcans, I collected my bearings.  I had nothing but the gun with only one bullet left, my knife, and my phone.  Assuming Trish would still be catatonic, I called Matt frantically.  "Matt," I choked.  "Matt!"

He asked worriedly, "What's wrong?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D.'s fucking chasing me, I need to get out of here." 

"Where are you?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw two agents nearing the entrance to the alleway.  I stood up and said, "Meet me at the Manhattan Bridge."  Then I hung up.  My hands started shaking like crazy, and I was soaked with sweat.  Nausea and fatigue swept over me, but nevertheless I got up and kept running.  

Please don't catch me, please don't catch me.

Suddenly, I was doubled over with sharp pains spreading across my abdomen.  I fell to the ground, crying and gnashing my teeth.  But, nevertheless I got up and kept running.

"You are strong, Elissa,"

My thoughts turned to Papa's voice, but he was wrong.  Elissa is dead, Olivia is dead, Sarah is dead.  I am not strong.  I am nameless, I have no identity.

Outsider, outsider...

Again, I had found my family.  Despite its chaos and its sins, my family was all I had left.  I am not a fucking outsider!

Maybe I hijacked a car, I was too dazed to even recollect my actions.  Either way, I got to the Manhattan Bridge.  But, it was too late.  The road was blocked with black vans, people were out of their cars and watching the events unfold.  And I was ready to end my life.  

I couldn't handle being on the run anymore, this pain was unbearable.  No matter what I did, the outcome would result in my capture or death.  Freedom is just not an option.  With a shrug, the coat fell off my shoulders.  My knife stayed secured around my thigh.  Gently, I stroked Oliver's necklace, remembering how I never fulfilled my promise to him.  

I'm sorry, Ollie, I can explain when I see you again.

To be honest, I was slightly excited to be reunited with Papa and Oliver again.  Death always scared me, but today it seemed adventurous.  Once in the centre of the bridge, I loaded the gun.

It came to a position beneath my chin.  I shut my eyes.  

This was the end.

Until-

"Hey,"

"My name is Sharon Carter, I'm with S.H.I.E.L.D.,"