Outsider

Twenty-nine

I told Matt everything.  That was my mistake, I didn't know how he would use it against me.  But, for now I looked at him the same way I saw Ollie.  I saw the same sparkle in his eyes, and his kind smile.  However this time I was older, and my heart raced whenever Matt touched me- ran his hands through my hair, or even stroked my maimed cheek.  I craved his touch.  

We spent the next day exploring Washington.  To be honest, I felt like a normal girl for once.  Matt took me to a bagel shop for breakfast, then we walked past monuments and visited the Smithsonian.  At the Natural History museum there was an exhibit about the Avengers.  The government was honouring the fact that they "saved the universe."  A name that stuck out to me was Tony Stark, he made the ultimate sacrifice by bringing every dusted person back, knowing the effort would kill him.  I liked his bravery, it reminded me of Oliver's.  When I was reading his biography on a sign, Matt brushed up to me and said, "He used to be heartless, you know."

"Ha-ha.  Because of the fake heart?" I replied sarcastically.

"No," answered Matt, "He used to work his way up to the top selling weapons, even to the wrong people.  Tony Stark got filthy rich that way, he was like a little prince in his multiple mansions.  His plan kinda backfired on him, though.  His own weapons nearly killed him"

I silent for a while, I didn't know why.  Finally, I said plainly, "Well, I like Tony Stark.  He certainly had a heart when he died."

To myself, I muttered, "I hope when I go the same thing happens,"

Oh, and Stark's parents were killed by the Winter Soldier- December sixteenth, 1991.  That's when I really sympathsized with him.

The second part of the exhibit was devoted to a selfish man (in Trish's eyes), Captain America.  I agreed with her, his actions were selfish.  Once the battle was fought and everything was back to normal, Steve Rogers abandoned his friends- his family- to go back in time to be with his former girlfriend, Peggy Carter.  That whole concept was on some kind of weed, it sounded fucking insane!  But, in present-day photos I saw Captain America with his friends, the other Avengers.  He looked happy, he should be fortunate that people loved him no matter what time period he came from.  Why the hell would he want to leave his family?

"Before we head to the Triskelion," Matt proposed later that day, "Let's have dinner."

"Why?"

"Because I think you look cute in a dress,"

I didn't pack a dress, that was the problem.  Matt dragged me to a fancy dress store, where he knew one of the workers.  I found a black dress with red roses which I liked, but Matt rejected that.  The options he picked were way too short in my eyes, and way too revealing.  He especially adored a silver sequin dress with a halter neckline and an opening in its centre.  Personally, I didn't like it because it only stretched to the top of my thighs- revealing my pale legs.  I shook my head at Matt and stated, "I think I'm gonna try on another dress,"

"No,"  His words were sharp and final.  But, quickly Matt added, "I'm sorry.  I just think you look sexy in it."  I didn't object when I saw his hazel eyes, I couldn't.  But, when we entered the restaurant I wrapped my red jacket across my exposed body.  Matt paid for this dress, I told myself, I should be grateful.  My knife was protectively in my pocket.  

At the restaurant, a the hostess calmly asked us, "The sky is clear tonight, isn't it?"

"Yes, but I'm always prepared for a little showers." answered Matt.

She smiled and led us behind a red curtain.  

Lit with a golden hue, there were crime lords everywhere.  Gang leaders sat at round tables bearing gold wristwatches and expensive suits.  I could tell they were the bosses because of their security detail around them, burly men and women who were most likely on steriods.  "Does Trish's father know about this?" I asked Matt, tagging close behind him.

"He showed it to me,"

We sat in a booth by ourselves, and a waiter immediately poured us drinks.  Normally I would drink something, but I just stared at my alcoholic beverage, my brow creasing worry.  "How long do we intend to stay here?  I gotta go to the Triskelion tonight." I told Matt.

He touched my hand and said gently, "Sarah, you're getting anxious.  Don't worry, we'll get there."

Men Matt's age gathered around him.  "Who the hell's this, Matt?" asked one, waving his finger at me.

I was about to say my name, but Matt cut me off, "This is Sarah.  She's with Crimson Night."

"Well, Sarah, you must be hot with that coat.  Take it off." ordered the man.  He leaned in closer to me, my hand reached for my pocket.  Yet, the coat was torn off my shoulders and I was exposed in my silver dress.  "Matt," gawked the man, eyeing my body.  "You never told me you had such a princess on your hands."

I rolled my eyes, then looked to Matt pleadingly.  I wanted to leave.

The next part is disgusting, but at the time it was like I had frozen my thoughts.  God, I always have to freeze.  "She looks tense, give her a drink." someone said.

A drink was passed to me.  Who knows what was in it?  That's what froze my thoughts.

The next thing I knew I was dancing on the table, laughing and performing ballet steps in my heels.  Maybe I thought I was a Black Widow.  People were cheering me on, no one objected to the glasses I broke on the table.  Suddenly I was laughing giddily, uncontrollably.  This drink was not like Criz.  Criz only blocked pain.  This drink blocked everything.  I didn't think a single thought.  All I heard were screams, and all I saw were flashing lights.  Until, I saw my father's eyes.  They were full of disappointment.

"What the fuck did you do to me?" I asked Matt.  After what felt like an eternity, the affects of the drink wore off.  I was in the washroom, splashing water all over my face.  Matt stood at the door, simply watching.  Outside I could hear people calling my name.  "Sarah, Sarah!"

I wrapped my coat around my body and seethed, "Fuck you, Matt."

"Where are you going?"

"Triskelion."

"You're in no condition to infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D."

Whirling on him, my words sounded like daggers.  "And whose fault is that?"

Matt touched my shoulder, I felt tingly inside.  All of a sudden he was like the boy I met in Russia, his eyes were like Oliver's.  Quietly, he said in a friendly tone, "You were hurting, I wanted you to stop hurting.  It was only temporary, Sarah.  But, I'm sorry."  

Looking back I know I shouldn't have taken his hand.  That was my mistake, I should've just gone away.  But, who else was left?  I couldn't go into S.H.I.E.L.D. alone!  Emotionless as a brick wall, I said, "I forgive you."