Outsider

Twenty-one

What have I done?

Oliver's chest was dotted with bullet wounds; someone must have brought a machine gun to our escape and waited for the right time to use it.  Writhing and breathing shallowly, my friend was dying.  I found strength in me to move again, and I crawled over Ollie, shielding him with my body.

Then, I heard a cackle.  There was Rumlow, standing beside the Winter Soldier.  "Her friend's a goner," he said, smiling.  "What're her chances of survival?"

The Winter Soldier said in a monotone voice, "She'll never last a day without him.  She will bleed or freeze to death."

"Let's leave her, then," Rumlow instructed, "Give that bitch the death she deserves."  

All of a sudden, I wanted Hydra to take us back.  Surely they could use their magic to heal Oliver- just anything to end his suffering.  But, my mouth could find no words as I watched the Hydra soldiers slowly part away.  Even so, I noticed something.

The Winter Soldier was holding the machine gun.

The Winter Soldier killed Oliver.

"You evil son of a bitch!" I screeched, my voice lost in the howling wind.  

No response.

Instead, I directed my attention towards Oliver.  I threw off my coat and tried to block the blood with its thick cloth.  But, there were just too many bullet holes.  Blood was pooling everywhere, gushing like a river.  Oliver tried to speak, but blood dribbled out of his lips.  "Sh," I breathed, trying to sound soothing.  "Just keep breathing, the wounds aren't that deep."

"Elissa," Oliver croaked in a hoarse voice that wasn't his.

Looking into his eyes, I whispered, "Yes?"

Ollie gripped my hand and told me, "You have to get out of here."

"No, no no no..." I said, "Not without you.  I'm sorry, this is all my fault."

Oliver smiled, "You had no control over it.  But, listen to me please!  I need you..."  Suddenly, from underneath his clothing my friend revealed his necklace with a pendant of wood.  The one Oliver told me about years ago.  "I need you to take this." he said to me, "Give it to my family, my mother, when you find them.  Promise me you'll find them."

"You can give it to them yourself," I urged, trying to lift him up.  It was no use.  Weakly, Oliver scolded, "Don't be ridiculous, Elissa.  You and I both know that you're the only one surviving this."

I interjected, "That's not true-"

Oliver sounded tired when he said, "I'm dying, Elissa!  There's nothing you can do."

"Maybe if-" I cried, but in my heart I knew he was right.  Oliver was always right.

"Just promise me you'll see them, Elissa.  Promise me you'll give this to them." Oliver pleaded, colour draining from his already pale face.

I choked, "No..."

"I love you, Liss." 

"I love you, Ollie." I replied, but my friend was already gone.  

For a long time, I huddled against a tree.  Like for Papa and Lara, no tears came to me.  Repeatedly, I hit myself in the head, asking why I couldn't cry for the boy who saved me so many times?  It was my fault he was dead- I should have ducked.  Staring at his dead body, the runaway dream left my head.  There would be no fairytale ending, no living in the woods by ourselves for happily ever after.

It was fucking done.

Finally, the tears came.  Slowly at first, but then wild.  With my knife, I stabbed the tree multiple times.  My mind was adrift, my body was acting out of knee jerk reactions, impulses.  Over and over again, I was imagining that I was stabbing the Winter Soldier and the rest of Hydra!  I let out one vicious scream, my voice one with the wind.  

I suddenly grew very cold, and two sharp pains overcame me- one on the left side of my face, one in my right side.  Falling onto the snow, I curled up and noticed blood beside me.  The blood was mine.  Part of me wanted to just give up and die alongside Ollie.  Hydra was right, I wouldn't, I couldn't last a day without him.  I took my coat off his body, and wrapped its warmth around me.  I began to bawl, choking on my sobs and sounding like a dying pig.  My head leaning atop my knees, I stayed in the shape of a ball while tears poured down my face, mixing with the blood, mud, and filth around me.

"Elissa."

The voice sounded far away and hollow.  Yet, I recognized it.  I opened my bloodshot eyes and saw a man- blonde hair and blue-grey eyes.  I saw my father.  "Papa," I choked.

Papa soothed gently, "Liebling, you have to keep going."

Shaking my head, I replied, "No, I can't... I can't."

"You have to keep going." Papa merely instructed.  I extended my arm weakly, trying to grasp onto him.  God, I felt so damn lonely!  That only made the image worse, Papa started fading.  Tears streaming down my face, I sobbed, "Come back!  Come back!"

"You are strong, Elissa." Papa said, his face vanishing into the blizzard.  I fell forward, beside Oliver's corpse.  Staring at his beautiful blue eyes, wide open, I no longer felt the same scaredness as when Lara passed.  It was Oliver, not a dead animal, that I saw.  Gently, I took his necklace and clutched it to my heart.  The pendant was bloody, but its carved beauty was still there.  My hand was trembling as I reached over and shut his eyes.  One last time, I held his hands, now cold to the touch.  One last time I kissed his forehead, and whispered, "I love you, Ollie.  And I'll never forget you."

Papa needed me to be strong.  I needed to keep going.