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Luke's Letter

Hi Grace.

I just wanted to say

I love you.

Thank you so much for being here for me for 1 year and 15 days. I couldn't have asked for a better year and fourteen days of my life. You always managed to make me smile. I remember the day I asked you to be my girlfriend.

I asked you and you replied with a question.

'Are your eyes blue?'

And I replied with a yes and that was your answer. You became my girlfriend right then and there. I couldn't be happier at that moment. I can't and won't forget all those late nights we spent talking to each other. I won't forget all those dates I took you out to. You seemed to love the dates where I wouldn't take you out to a restaurant. You loved it when I took you out on adventures with me. I loved it too.

Those dates was when I could see the true you, and I fell in love with you more and more. I never though that all those messages on Facebook could lead to this.

I'm so sorry that I did this to you. I can't handle it anymore. Rose is too much for me. She was stopping me from being myself around you. I used to be muscly and strong, now my arms look like twigs that belong on a tree. If anyone saw me for the first time, they'd think that I'm anorexic. I tried and tried to stay alive for you for as long as possible. I slowly started to crack and crack each time Rose would say she hates you.

I couldn't take it when she said she wanted me to kill you. I couldn't do that to you, I love you too much to do that to you. I would rather have you live in a world where I'm not in it, then have a world where I wouldn't talk to you and I would torture you. I want you to be happy love. I couldn't do that any other way but kill myself.

I know you're probably not happy with me right now, you hate me so much because you love me so much. I can't explain how sorry I am though. When you came into my life, my life suddenly had meaning. You were the reason I stayed alive for however long I was alive. I fucking love you so much it hurts.

I wish I could grow old with you, make a family with you, be happy with you. Don't get me wrong, I was very very happy with you. I just couldn't do that to you because of Rose. I'm just a boy with a mental disorder. You gave me so much happiness and I can't thank you enough.

You're probably reading this with tears streaming down your beautiful face, sniffling, trying to hold that snot in your adorable nose. You're probably..... Most definitely, asking 'Why?' Right now.
Rose is too much for me. She wanted me to kill you and I couldn't do that, so I killed myself so you could live.

I love you. Everything about you is amazing. Your short dirty blonde hair, your bright blue eyes, your braces, your perfectly imperfect personality. I love you.

You always seemed to make me smile. I remember the first date we went on. I was so awkward it makes me cringe just thinking about it. I took you out to an arcade. You bet me at all the games somehow. I cringe thinking back on it because I was so nervous to even talk to you. Rose kept pestering me during the date, but I didn't let that bother me because I was with you.

As you're reading this, I've probably already shot myself, or tied that rope around my neck and kicked the chair away. I'm so sorry that you had to see me like this. Lifeless. My hearts last few beats were for you, and you only.

I love you so so much. I'm not using past tense here because it's still true, it will always be true. I love you to a point where you were the only thing on my mind. I love you to a point where i would be thinking about what you're doing at that very moment. I love you to a point where I would die for you.

The only thing I ask of you now, Grace Smith. Is to be happy. Live your life to the fullest. I may have not of lived mine to the fullest. But I still want the best for you. You are my princess and I would do everything for you. Don't be sad because of me. Don't forget about me, but don't spend your lifetime always thinking of me. Don't fall into depression. A beautiful smile like yours shouldn't be a mask covering your sadness.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to cry for me. But don't always cry for me.

I want you to go to my room Gracie.

Under my bed is a pile of clothes.

Pull that pile of clothes apart.

See that little box?

Open it.

It's got all our little photos together. It's got that pine cone you threw at me on our 5th date. It's got that bracelet you got for me on my 18th birthday. It's got a teddy bear I won for you at the arcade. It's got my favourite t-shirt, I want you to keep all these memories. Wear my t-shirt. Wear my bracelet. Keep that box.

I love you so fucking much.

I cried myself to sleep for the last week think of this moment. Im crying so much now that I think of you crying to this letter. My eyes hurt and my head is spinning. My heart is beating rapidly as I near the end of this note Gracie.

I'll soon forget the colour of your eyes, and you'll forget mine.

And I wrote a poem for you,

You're the one that cared

You're the one that noticed

And I'm sorry that I'm leaving you now

But this is the only way out

I'll miss you, I really will

But I've tried to fight

But it's just too hard

I've tried not to give up

But it just hurts too much

Goodbye

I'll miss you

But there's no turning back now

I've finally found my way out

You will forever be in my heart Grace Smith, I love you so so much.

Luke Hemmings xx

1996-2014