Vivid Memories

Chapter 9

"Leave me the fuck alone!" Dante shouted at me. His body trembled, his hands shaking. It was clear to me, in my crusade to be a better person, I was simply trying to delude myself.

I thought maybe if I helped someone, maybe that could somehow validate my conviction. But I wasn't thinking about what Dante thought. I wasn't thinking about how he felt. I... I did what I have always done to others: always put my agendas over others.

"If that's what you want," I sighed, taking a deep breath and exhaled. I'm so pathetic. "Then so be it. I... I wanted to help you but... I can see now that I've caused nothing but distress to you. So, I hope... whatever path you find yourself walking through... I just hope you're not alone."

I walked away after that. I heard a door open, then close. I didn't where I was going, so I called a taxi and got a ride home. After that, I laid in my bed, wondering why I'm like this. Am I really this annoying? Was I... am I... am I confound for who I am? I can't do anything right.

Mayuri...

What would have done?

Would you have done the same things have I done?

You probably would have done better. Maybe you would have tried to understand Dante and his past, or maybe just asked if you wanted to talk.

Maybe... maybe I'm not cut out... to be a good friend.

"Are you okay there Avalon?" Penny asked me after all. It was a Monday now. I didn't do anything on Sunday.

"I'm fine... just tired..." I replied, sulking at my incompetence.

"I don't think you are," Caitlyn sighed and patted my back. It didn't really help. "Come on girl, tell me what it is..."

"I... I'm just... I can't," I shook my head and sighed. "I'm sorry girls. I... I need some time on my own."

I grabbed my stuff haphazardly and walked out of the lecture hall. I wanted to find some space. Somewhere where I could think. Somewhere I could feel as if... I know what I'm doing.

It's depressing, that the happiest time of the year, was when I decided to realise my own flaws and I was so narcissistic to find out just now, how truly selfish I was and still am. God, I wish I could somehow remove all of my flaws.

It was still fucking hot. I've been here for three months and I actually hate the fact it's always sunny. I sighed, sitting under a tree and looking at everyone else's lives. They all seem to know what they're doing. Ugh, I can't be this pathetic, can I?

"Hey, need a drink?" I looked to my side and saw Dante, with a cold bottle of water.

"Why are you here?" I sighed, hugging my knees. "Sorry, was I being too nosy again by asking for your intentions?"

"Haha, whatever," He sat down next to me and sighed deeply. "I heard from Penny that you've asked to be alone."

"Well, who's the nosy one now?"

"Haha, okay, I get it," He mirrored my posture and breathed deeply. "Look, I know that you're upset with what I said to you last weekend. I might have gone too far, but you have to admit, you do tend to try to know everything when you don't have to."

"Yeah, I know, I get it," I rolled my eyes and scooted away from him. "I am highly annoying. I get on people's nerves. I am a control freak. I-"

"I think you need to calm it down," Dante smiled and patted my back. "Listen. I... I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Maybe you should try to be a better friend to your current friends - not to random strangers."

"Would you still count as a random stranger?" I asked, pouting.

"Argh... I guess not anymore..." I scratched his face before looking away slightly. "But I think you need to be considerate with how other people feel."

"I just thought maybe... Maybe I could cheer you up," I sighed deeply and looked at the branches on the tree. "My late friend, Mayu, made friends with random strangers. She met Xavier through her act of kindness and my other friend, Gerald, with another act of kindness. I thought maybe... if I did what she did... I would be able to be the good friend she was."

"Well... did she poke into people's business?"

"No... She just gave Xavier an orange and Gerald a cookie,"

"There you go," Dante ruffled my hair again. Okay, he's going to die in his sleep. "She didn't go out trying to solve people's problems. She just wanted to show them that she's there, even if she wasn't friends with them initially. How I see it, you seem to be the type to go hard or go home, but when it comes to friendships, you should always start small."

"Phish, you sound like you've been through a lot of friendships," I chuckled, scooting back closer to him.

"I have..." He sighed and stretched his legs out. "I was always alone back in high school, then I made friends. Then I moved to England, where I had to make a bunch of new friends. So I sort of know the intricacies of making friends. But don't go fully expecting people to commit to you as much as you commit to them. Some people aren't like that. And that's okay. Because... well, everyone always plays favorites."

"I'm sorry Dante," I sighed and hugged him suddenly. "I'll leave you alone if you want. I... I just tried to be someone I'm not."

"We're good," He chuckled and shook his head. He patted my back to comfort me. "If we're being honest, I always make excuses to not make any events with my Esports friends. I don't want to get too attached and vice versa. But, you're someone special. Besides, I can't let you go out spouting out about my heterochromia."

"I'm a woman of my word," I rolled my eyes and chuckled, releasing him from my embrace. "I won't say shit if you tell me not to. Ugh, man... I'm so selfish and pathetic that it's sad."

"At least you can admit it," He chuckled sadly before looking at the horizon. "Some people can't. I knew a friend who couldn't... and now she's... somewhere over the pond. But that's a different story. So cheer up."

"I'll only cheer up if you do too," I used my fingers to make Dante smile. "Hehe, don't you look happy?"

"Hey!" He moved my hands away and we both laughed.

"I was worried that you might be... lying to me about making friends," I confessed to him, my smile fading away. "So I needed to know about it. If you ever need someone to talk to, anyone at all, please tell me. I... I don't do much after school anyways."

"Okay hime-sama," He ruffled my hair again. God, he is asking to die right now. "I, Dante LaVine, promise to call you if I need someone to talk to. To be honest, I'm glad you suggested it."

"Don't go weebing on me right now," I giggled and stood up. "I'll be less mum-like and be a good friend. Just being there for you... I think that's enough right?"

"Yeah, that is fundamentally what being a friend is," He stood up and stretched his arms and legs. "Come on, let's go to the shops. I'm a bit hungry."