Vivid Memories

Chapter 37

I asked Hazel to meet up with me at the evening. I needed to know what was going between her. I wasn't scared of her at all. Personally, I think my body type was one hundred percent Dante's type. All curves. Hazel was similar but her ass and chest weren't as big as mine.

We decided to meet up at her place, but the evening could have been better without having to deal with this issue. I didn't tell Dante I'd be doing this. He'd just tell me I'm jealous or that I'm misunderstanding or tell me not to worry about her.

Ugh, the girl he told me not to worry about.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" She asked, making a cup of hot chocolate. There was a hint of jealously in her looks.

"Could you stop trying to seduce my boyfriend," I asked, sighing deeply. "It's getting on my nerves. He's my boyfriend okay? You even saw him when he asked me out."

"... He just deserves better," She sighed and rolled her eyes at me, irritated at me for some odd reason. "You don't deserve him."

"What makes you think you're better suited for him?" Okay, short temper. Short temper. Calm down. Don't rip her head off. She's a bassist. You can't replace her. You're just a pianist.

"Whenever he or you fuck up on something, or whenever he needs to talk about something, he comes to me first," Uh, what the fuck Dante? I felt so offended right now. "Why do you think he never tells you anything negative anymore? You might not know this, but Dante was my first friend back in first year. He cut himself off after the first semester from me. I tried everything to talk to him, but he wouldn't budge. But regardless, I would text him saying if he ever needed someone to talk to, I'll hear him out."

"So he's been talking to you, for a while now huh?"

"Whenever he's upset or lonely, yeah, he talks to me," She turned her back on the beach and decided to look at the buildings. The warm night breeze moved through the air. "Ever since you came into his life, he started telling me all his worries, anxieties, elations and victories. I... I thought with everything I knew about him, he would choose me. Even if he was lying to me and to everyone else."

"Why didn't he tell me this?" I was so frustrated with him, trusting Hazel over me. I was the one who opened him up, so what was wrong with me trying to help him even more.

"He told me... he didn't want to burden you with his problems," She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. I could feel her frustration there too. "He doesn't want people to be burdened by him. He says his problems sound stupid. I was the only one he trusted to keep his secrets. I wanted to help him carry that burden. His depression, his past, his failures... I took it all in and helped him rise, as much as I could. When you broke off your friendship and emotions towards him... God he really couldn't live with himself."

"Dante... argh! Why doesn't he... he tell me everything...? I tell him everything..." This felt like a one sided relationship, where I keep trying and he doesn't try at all.

"It's not his pride, if you're wondering," She chuckled sadly before placing her hot chocolate down and sighing deeply. "Dante is conflicted. He... he wants to impress people, make them happy. He wants everyone to be happy. But in that process, he forgets he too his human and that he has his needs. So the more he focuses on helping others, the more problems he confides in himself. His happiness is inversely proportional to everyone's. He wanted to keep you happy, even if it meant it killed him."

"Hazel—"

"It sucked to know I've been his outlet for his melancholy, but now you two are dating, I need you, Avalon, to be his outlet," Hazel shook her head, bit her lower lip and grabbed my shoulders. Her eyes blazed with passion, but the same time conveyed sadness. "Avalon, you know this isn't right. You need to talk to him. Tell him to express himself to you. I tried to open him up, but his barriers had thorns, barbed wires, traps and pure sorrow. Looking back now, all I could give him was my love and attention. Maybe it's not equal to yours, but I worry about him. All the time. Wondering if he's still alive. But seeing him happy, I loved every part of him. This love... I don't know if I could keep piercing my heart with his sadness..."

"Hazel... I'm sorry Dante has been doing this to you..." She... she thought she could change Dante and his ways. She was like me... I... she truly knew Dante better than I have. "I promise... I'll relieve you of your duty."

"Even if I was his rebound, I could love him and he could do the same for me... maybe his problems would have disappeared... but I was foolish," She sighed and shook her head. Her grip loosened from my shoulders. She hugged me tightly. "It fucking sucks... he... he's his own worse demon. His minds wants to destroy himself and he's still alive. He says he can't bring himself to tell his therapist. He doesn't know where it stemmed from. It was just one day he couldn't help but realise that whatever he does, he'll never be enough... and everything after Caitlyn's break up and Emily's separation... God I barely kept him together when you broke everything off with him. His guilt for making another mistake, letting someone down. It went through him, like a bullet straight through the head. Everything he's doing, he feels like he's—"

"Enough..." I sighed and hugged her back tightly. She needed someone to help her as much as she had been helping Dante.

Dante... you need to explain yourself.

Hazel began crying, loudly and bawled her eyes out. She's been keeping this dark secret for a while. It's been eating her up. The frustration of being unable to help. If she told someone, Dante would never forgive her. It was as if she betrayed his trust... God... have mercy on her soul.

To think I hated her for trying to steal Dante away from.

In reality, Hazel tried to take on the burden that is Dante LaVine and all of his demons.

She thought if she kept him happy by keeping his secrets and endeavour his psyche, everything would be okay.

It's fine now.

I'll finish your crusade.

I promise.