Vivid Memories

Chapter 36

So, I think by now Penny and Caitlyn (and Tyler too) are getting tired of my complaints with Dante. But Caitlyn understood the complexity that is Dante LaVine and Penny didn't really care. She was just glad she was part of the team that could help.

Love these guys.

"Okay, so you think Dante is getting advice from Hazel or somewhere along those lines?" Tyler reiterated what I said and when I confirmed his statement, he sighed and nodded. "Okay, well, there's another rule to a guy when it comes to telling the truth."

"You couldn't tell her earlier?" Penny smacked the back of his head and I haven't seen Penny be so aggressive in a while. "Geez man. What's wrong with men?"

"Well, you know we our own biggest downfall," Tyler sighed and scratched the back of his head. "It's one thing to say the truth, it's another to tell the truth and look vulnerable."

"What's wrong with that?" Penny tilted her head and Tyler kissed her cheek. "See? You look vulnerable to me when you did that."

"That's called being sweet and normal for being in a relationship," He corrected her, chuckling. "But, why Dante isn't telling you the problem is because of toxic masculinity in our society," All of the girls groaned and Tyler followed in suit. Not because he agreed with us, but probably because we didn't see it from his view. "If we, as guys, trying to tell you our problems, we face ridicule. From you guys, from our friends and our society."

"Then they're not your friends and you know we wouldn't—"

"Yes, but you're not getting the point," Tyler groaned once more before taking a deep breath. "When a guy tells his problem to someone else, it makes him look weak. It makes him feel less of a man because they were taught that from a young age. That a man is the whole who solves the problems — not gives the problem to someone else to solve. You might say but Tyler, society in 2020 is different from the past well yeah sure but the pay gap still exists. Sexism still exists. Discrimination still exists. Everything men and women have been taught back then are still around — they're just not as pronounced as they were before. Sure, his friends and family may be supportive but everyone outside the circle will judge him by his actions, by his decision to seek help, not solve. We have our own pride. It's toxic, yeah I guess. But we can't help it. It's what men are. We don't want to look weak in front of anyone — regardless if you're friends or strangers. To get pity and sympathy, from another guy's POV, looks pathetic. They might think it or show it, but subconsciously that's how all men feel."

We sat there in silence.

Tyler made sense. Most guys hide what they really feel, don't they? Embarrassed about what other guys think, even if they have no idea who they are. This idea they have to look strong and independent still circulated around our society. The stigma lives, but it didn't have to live in our relationship. He knows I wouldn't judge him. He knows I wouldn't.

"He... he knows I'm not like that..." I mumbled. Even I couldn't tell if he's me as nonjudgmental. "I can understand his pain. I can..."

"Yeah, but you still can't get through the stigma and chains that is toxic masculinity," Tyler shrugged and and yawned. "If that's all, I'm gonna get a beer from your fridge."

"Tyler, you're driving me home remember?" Penny sighed and shook her head. "You can drink all you want at my place, and then some."

"Do you tell Penny all your worries and insecurities?" I asked Tyler when he opened my fridge.

Penny looked at Tyler suspiciously and Tyler sighed, shaking his head.

"I don't tell her everything," Looks like I opened a whole new can of worms. "Some problems aren't good enough for her to worry about, so I just focus on the ones that she can worry about."

"Tyler, you know I tell you everything about what's bothering me," She pouted and crossed her arms. "Why don't you tell me what bothers you?"

"Because, it's not at all necessary," He shrugged, grabbing orange juice instead. "You can't help me with my law coursework. You can't help my family problems, or the problems I have within my head. I guess you can try, but some problems can't involve outside help. It's just how it is. I tell you 85% of my issues anyways. There's a small part that I don't say."

"I can't believe you—"

"You shouldn't expect to understand someone 100%," Caitlyn intervened, sighing as she got a glass of orange juice herself. "You can maybe only know them 80%, but never the full amount. Because we're all human. Penny, don't get upset that Tyler doesn't tell you everything, because I can tell you don't tell Tyler all the personal and small details of your life. And you, Avalon, might want to ask Hazel what's going on with her and Dante. Don't be deceived by her, but take to heart what she says. She's not the type to lie when it comes to serious topics."

Mother Caitlyn here again, saving and advising people.

She was right. I needed to talk to Hazel since Dante won't tell me anything.

He's such high maintenance for a guy.

Whoops.

I see what Tyler means.