Vivid Memories

Chapter 40

People may wonder why I stayed with Dante.

People may think I might be kept as a hostage by Dante, thinking that if I break up, he might off himself.

But, that's not how I feel about him, or our situation.

All I know is, I fell in love with the Dante who was happy and always cared for me. I want him to return to that state.

Some people might say I'm making a big mistake.

I think the mistake would be leaving him.

When a person like Dante is like that, the worst thing they need are people leaving them. It only validates their nightmares.

Staying with him, I can see his progress. I can see if he's doing his part.

I can be there for him. I can help him when he can't trust anyone else.

I can already hear other people's arguments.

He's not grateful for what he has.

How I'd kill for his achievements.

He has so much and look at him, wasting away. Such a spoilt brat.

That's not the point. They're missing the whole reason for his sadness.

When someone has achieved so much in the past, it's hard not to feel as if you're failing when you're not meeting those expectations.

When you're not achieving as much now than you did back then.

When you fail to return to that state where you felt you were the best.

You start comparing yourself to others.

You see how everyone else is achieving some great — even if it may be insignificant.

The fact you see them accomplish something, no matter how insignificant it is, while you're stuck in neutral is killing you in the inside.

You see other people overtake you, fading in nothingness.

Despite your best efforts, nothing you could do could ever make you feel as if you're equal to everyone.

Despite the fact you know deep down people aren't overtaking you — they're just catching up.

Everything is relative to perspective.

All of your previous achievements mean nothing at all. Why? Because it's in the past. It's not in the present.

You can work hard for a new achievement. Sure. Makes sense.

But when you achieve that goal, what's next?

You feel lost in your life without direction.

Living for the moment makes you feel as if you're wasting your time.

You feel, because of how well you did in your past, you were meant for something great.

But in reality, you'll just be as normal as anyone walking down the street.

You realise you'll never ascertain that position you wanted yourself to be in life.

Sucks doesn't it?

That's only a glimmer of Dante's mind.

I can't tell for sure if this was what he was thinking inside.

But that's the best way to describe it.

"Dante, have you taken your pills yet?" I asked, ruffling his hair.

"Not yet," He got his medication out and ingested it down. "Alright. I've done it. Wish it didn't give me bad headaches."

"Hey, it means it's working baby," I smiled, kissing his cheek. "Come on, let's go to the beach. I feel like taking a walk."

"Whatever you say, hime-sama," He smiled and stood up, packing his stuff.

"Sure, oppa," we both laughed about how stupid we were.

Afternoon beach walks were always nice. Nice sea breeze, seeing the people walking around or just having fun. There was perfect blend of nature and human made technology. Everything was calming.

I stopped by a railing and looked ahead to the ocean. Everything seemed so peaceful. I could feel Dante's arm wrap around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He's been happier these days. I'm grateful he is.

He's also been telling me his problems. Whether it's something small like a friend pissing him off, or even if it's some big like a report due in soon and he's not ready yet to submit it or his mental health, he tells me all of it.

I tell him everything as well. My problems. My issues. My happiness. My gratitude that he's around.

"To think we started from you just talking to me," Dante scoffed and chuckled, realising how far he's gotten. "I... I was so pathetic back then."

"You know Dante, I've heard someone once say Never look back unless it's to see how far you've come," I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Don't dwell in the past. Another person once said Keep moving forward."

"Are you some sort of quoting machine or something?," He chuckled and kissed my forehead this time. His smile reminded of that melancholic smile again, but this was somewhat different. It felt more... free. That's the best way I could describe it. "Some days, I wonder if I'm doing the right things. But, thinking about it now, I'll do whatever it takes to me a better person. I'll still have flaws, but everyone has it. It can't be helped."

"Everyone has flaws... yes we do Dante," I smiled softly before resting my head on his shoulders. We looked into the sea, into the horizons. "But whatever happens, we'll pull through it, together."

Imperfections.

Flaws.

Humanity.

We didn't need to say anything else.

We both knew what I meant when I said those words.

And I'm glad that we knew.