Vivid Memories

Chapter 29

I missed my entire day that day because I slept and by the time I woke up (which was around 2 in the afternoon), I decided to just do my lectures. I just told Penny and Caitlyn the truth and they sent me their notes. Man, I have such nice friends.

But it was thinking about how stupid I was. I never gave Dante a chance to explain himself, nor did I realize how much of a hypocrite I was. If I used people back then, I should have expected to be used myself. Even I used Dante for my own wellbeing. Shit. I am the worst human being in existence.

The only thing I could think about was trying to find one of his Esports friends and just ask where I could find Dante. Pretty sure they'll know where he'll be.

I managed to find Issac in the cafe during the week (and I did not realize he was the Vice President of the Esports Society) and I asked him where I could find Dante. Surprisingly, he said he might be in the music room right now since music practices for his group would always be in the afternoon after lectures. It was in the music department, which was on the other side of campus. Ugh, more walking.

I reached the music department and I could see multiple people and while I could see people playing, I couldn't hear them. The rooms must have been soundproofed so everyone could have a chance to play. It took a while, but I found Dante. He wasn't playing solo, nor was he in a room. He was in the main auditorium, where there were Hazel and another girl with two other guys. Dante played the electric guitar, Hazel on keyboard, a girl on drums, a guy on bass and the other guy singing.

But my heart sank when I saw Dante. Not because I fell back in love with him again (I did feel my heart rekindle) but because of what I saw.

Dante... regrew his fringe.

He failed his New Years Resolution, but I know he didn't make it for himself. He made it for me, as a promise. Cutting our friendship made that promise invalid.

Everything I've done... what am I saying? Everything I've done? I really did use him just to make myself feel better.

I'm not a good friend at all...

When they finished playing, Dante looked so happy. There was something reassuring that his happiness was finally being expressed, even after what I did to him. Dante was happy, and I guess I should have been too. But I just felt bad.

We may have made eye contact. I don't know. He never waved at me. He never smiled at me. There was no acknowledgment of my presence. It's like I never existed.

But regardless of the scenario, I needed to talk to him. I needed to explain everything. And if we're still friends by then, then I know Dante has grown. If not, then I understand.

At the end of the performance, Dante stuck around with the band, packing things up. I thought this would be a good time to head over to him and talk.

"Dante?" I asked, walking casually behind him. "Do you have time to talk?"

"He's busy at the moment," The drummer spoke up. She didn't look pleased to see me at all, and neither did the entire band. Ah, fuck. He told them who I was and what I did. "Mind just leaving?"

"I need to talk to Dante, urgently," I was behind Dante at this point, but he didn't turn around at all. "It's personal."

"Why are you here anyway?" Dante finally said something. "I've been trying to talk for you last month, but you ignored everything. Now that you realized something or whatever, you think it's as simple as getting to talk to me."

"It's not that," I sighed, trying to find the right words to say. It's not easy to admit when I'm wrong. "I just... I just want to have a civilized talk. If it doesn't work out afterward and you're happier alone, then I will respect it and leave you."

There were a heavy sigh and a scratch on his head. His band members looked at him with dangerous eyes, implying that he shouldn't be doing this. I understand that sentiment. If this was Penny and Tyler in this scenario, they'd do the same thing. For Dante, he looked back at me and sighed once more before nodding. His friends were adamant not to follow through, but he went with his gut and followed me outside the building.

"What is it?" He asked, sitting down on a patch of grass.

"I'm sorry," I spoke, sitting down and hugging my arms. "I shouldn't have overreacted. You were being honest with me. I just..."

"It's hard to know you've been used," He spoke up and rested on his back, looking up at the sky. "I would know, I've been used myself. Be honest with me, did you use me as well?"

"I..." Fuck it. I have to be honest. I wanted to see the extent of our friendship. "I... guess I did..."

"How so?"

"Befriending you... to somehow alleviate my guilt for being such a bad friend to my late friend," I spoke, looking at his face. He didn't seem upset. I think he was thinking about the whole thing. "You were, initially, just someone who I thought I could use to relieve my pains..."

"But then you fell in love with me," He sighed and closed his eyes. "And I fell in love with you... then everything went downhill."

"Dante..."

"I wanted to tell you that night, that I kissed you and the reason why I didn't mean it," He shook his head and stood up. "I wanted to tell you that I didn't want to rush into things. I wanted to say I'm sorry because I wanted to take my time, my time to love you. I had been interested in you, but I knew it was too early to just go out. So I took my time, tried to build up courage and properly say I liked you. But I couldn't even do that. Avalon... I'm sorry too."

He too felt the same sentiment as I did. Not rushing into love.

God, I made such a massive mistake.

I saw him walk away.

"Dante, can we just start again? As friends?"

"I don't know," He looked back at me, but his fringe covered his eye. I could tell, though, he was conflicted about the entire thing. "When I rejected Caitlyn back then, in the next few weeks, she asked me the same question. I... I don't know whether... if befriending you... would cause me the same pains as before..."

His past haunted him still and he can't get over it.

I can understand that.

My past haunted me still.