Vivid Memories

Chapter 38

Hazel told me his pains and burdens.

Everything he's been telling her.

Anyone would get upset all the time if they only heard the sad side of someone's life.

But Dante hasn't been telling me this.

There has to be a reason why he's not saying much. Yeah, sure, okay, he doesn't want me to be upset or anything, but we were friends. We were close, so I didn't see why I couldn't take the load off his shoulders. I could take it. I did it to Xavier, and now he's fine.

Dante... was I not good enough for you?

So, taking more advice from Tyler, I had to confront him and somehow ensure he confides in me, his girlfriend.

He hasn't actually called me or texted me in a while. It was spring break, and yet I couldn't get anything out of him. I think he knows that I know about his situation. I do hope he knows I'm on his side.

During Spring Break, he asked me to stay overnight. I gladly took the opportunity to do so. The only catch was that I wasn't sleeping in the spare room. I was sleeping with him on his double-sized bed. Nice. He can't escape that and at least I get to touch him more and vice versa.

The first few hours were just studying since exams were around the corner and the other hours were messing around in his room and garden. His mom and dad tended the garden well, with a blossom tree being by the side, a plum tree by the back and near that plum tree was the soil which catered to the plants his family grew. Coronations, Fuschias, Hydrangeas, and Sunflowers. There were potatoes, carrots, onions, and cabbages that were being grown there too. His dad gave me a tutorial on how to plant seeds and what to do.

I think they really like me.

At night, we played video games again, (Your girl beat her man in 1v1 in CS:GO) before we just laid in bed around midnight. He put up the nightlight out again and smiled as he stroked my hair. I was enjoying cuddling with him.

"Dante... do you have any burdens in your life?" I whispered quietly, nuzzling my head under his neck.

"Who doesn't?" He whispered back, stopping all his actions. "It's the world we live in."

"Do you bottle them away from me?" I asked, burying my head in his chest.

He remained silent for a few minutes. Afterward, he continued to stroke my hair once more.

"I do," He sighed, resting his head above mine. "I don't... I don't see any reasons to burden you with my own problems."

"Dante, that's not how you should think," I looked up at me. I felt like tearing up for some odd reason. "Hazel told me everything... how you tell her everything that's wrong with your life and how you don't try to make others troubled whilst hurting your own happiness at the same time."

"You wouldn't understand Avalon... my pains and my burdens..."

"And you think Hazel can?" I asked, sighing deeply before having my eyes being on the same level as his. "Dante, I am your girlfriend. You can trust me with anything."

"I have loved before and each one has used my words to either embarrass me or use it to their own advantage," I could tell this hurt him a lot, remembering the past. He's trying to prevent history from repeating itself.

"Dante, darling, I know this will hurt to say it, but I am nothing like them," He groaned and sighed. I placed both hands on his face before smiling softly. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at myself. "You don't know how frustrating and saddening it is when you don't tell me all your worries when you're not happy. Baby... all the things that upset you, all the things that make you happy, that makes you feel something... I want to know them all."

"Avalon..." That melancholic smile was so charming and so... heavy on the heart. I don't know, that was the best way I could describe it. "I don't know how to say it... If you ever asked me what I felt like my biggest accomplishment is... I can't answer that question. I don't feel as if anything I do is ever enough. In my life, I feel like... I'm never enough..."

"Dante... you can't think like that," I rested my forehead on his and smiled, trying to smile as much as I can to prevent myself from sobbing. "Everything you have done is worth something, even if you don't think it does. Don't moan at me. You know everyone has a value in someone's life. Look at me. Without you, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be so... so... elated. Spending time with you, don't you think that in itself was worth something?"

"I just... I just don't feel as if... anything I do... is enough for anyone... not even you..." He chuckled sadly before shaking his head. "I have heard about your stories from Penny and Caitlyn. You have so many things to be proud of... so many friends you made... honestly, you dating me... you are way out of my league..."

"Don't think that Dante..." I chuckled softly too, closing my eyes to release the pools of water built up. "Leagues don't exist... besides, there are many regrets I have in my life. Never saying I love you to my dad more often, never seeing my mum, never being a good friend to Mayuri... or to anyone. I've broken and used so many people... and don't feel as if you haven't done anything worthy in your life. You have those trophies in Judo and Tae Kwon Do, you do well in your exams, a 4.2 GPA - whatever the fuck that means..."

We both chuckled, somewhat trying to make this situation as light-hearted as possible.

"My trophies... they're just empty cups..." He felt so far away. His self-deprecation was more intense than Xavier. I'm so glad and so happy he hasn't killed himself yet. "I don't feel anything with them... Even right now... making you sad... it hurts me... it hurts me even more with that fact that I should be making you happy..."

"Your conviction is a double-edged sword, Dante," I could feel my tears run down my face like a river, but I couldn't help it. "Please, listen to me, Dante. If you truly want to make me happy... I need you to be happy yourself. Any of your sad secrets, please let it all on me. I can help you, but I can't help you if you don't tell me anything. Let me help you carry your burdens... let others carry your burdens. Dante..."

"Please don't cry," I haven't cried like this since we broke off our friendship. But this was different. I could feel Dante's thumb gently rubbing away my tears before he used his shirt as a substitute for a tissue. "I don't tell anyone my problems... because I don't want you guys to waste your time on me... a pathetic excuse for a human being..."

"Dante, I love you, so please, don't ever feel like you're worthless okay?" I smiled, kissing his lips softly. All I could feel was his sadness... and mine. "Please work with your therapist. Tell that person everything they need to know... I won't leave your side, Dante, so please... do everything you can to learn to love yourself..."

He has so much pain.

I hope I can help him ease the pain.

But that's up to him if he wants to ever feel better.