DEPRESSION

Part 2

   So, here we go. It was my first day of new school in Lahore. It was 5th August 2015. I was very excited. I was very happy that we are going to a new school and well let's just say I was happy and excited just like any other 9 year old can be.
   The moment I entered the school, for some reason why I started to feel like that this was wrong. The time I entered the class I was greeted by students weirdly staring at me. Just a side note, I am a very socially awkward person and I can't continue a conversation for more than 2 minutes. So, I got very nervous but I pushed everything on a side and my class in charge led me to two girls. These two girls are still in my life and one of them is my bestest friend (a friend I can never imagine to leave behind). We started talking right off the bat.
   But then the worst possible thing started to happen. For absolutely no fucking reason why or that's what I thought, my eyes started tear up and I quite literally started choking on my tears. I was trying my best to hide myself. To hide my tears. To hide my sobs. It was actually break time. So not many kids were in the class. But still one of them saw me and came to me and asked if everything was alright. I told her that I have flu that's why my eyes were getting all teary. But i just couldn't hide it. And started to slowly cry. Its still the most embarrassing thing of my whole and entire life. Like imagine a 9 year old crying on her first day of school. I was in sixth grade. Like God that memory is my most embarrassing memory of all time.
   Anyways my teacher came up to me and asked me what was wrong and if I was missing my old school. The only thing I could do at that time was to agree that I was missing my school. Anyways my first day ended or more of like my life's most embarrassing day finally ended. That was the first time in my entire life I did not wanted to go to school ever again. I was never like that. I was the type of kind who would get angry if her parents told her that she won't go to school tomorrow. I know I sound stupid but I just couldn't understand topics and other things if I didn't go to school.
   Now the second day came and I told myself I can do it and it's ok. I made it. In fact I succeeded in finishing school without crying or worrying till the next two weeks. Now the first term exams were about to take place and I had only gone to school for 10 days. I told my parents that my class in charge said that the new admissions can skip the exams. She really did say that. But my father said no, you will give those exams. Now I was angry. Like how can I cover a whole goddamn term in just 10 days. In those 10 days it was actually summer camp. In Pakistan summer camps are not those happy playing camps. It's basically normal school in coloured clothes with school timing's from 8 AM to 11 AM. So, I basically didn't even attended a whole day in those 10 days. I knew absolutely nothing.
   I literally begged him that I can't do this. I can't give these exams on such a short notice. But he didn't change his stance. He was rock solid on it. So I had to give these exams on a notice of only 2 days.
   Finally, they ended after a week. Now our papers used to get inter-campus checked. Like our campus used to send our papers to another campus and that campus used to send their campus's papers. After about a week we got our papers back. Thank God. I had passed every single one of them. I passed all subjects. But the problem now was that when I used to be in Karachi, I used to score about 93 to 95 percent on usual. Like my lowest ever percentage in Karachi was 86. And oh boy the amount of scolding I got.
   My percentage in these exams was 54.96. I was left shocked. I couldn't move from my position when I got my result. That was the time hell broke loose and I lost myself completely. Like I was not able to believe that this was my result.
   I stayed silent throughout the whole ride back to home. When we reached I handed out my result sheet to my mom and dad. They both were still when they saw the percentage. To the point I felt like the time had stopped because no one like not even a single soul said anything at that time or even move a bit.
   Finally, my dad spoke up. He said "it's ok. At least you passed all subjects and all papers. You can do better and I and your mother believe that you can do better. It's ok"
   The problem was I was shattered at that moment. I was broken. That was the moment everything in my life was messed up. That was the time life slapped me like a bitch for the first time.
   I know it sounds absurd that how a drop in percentage can affect me. But in my story it was too much for me. That was first time ever I went so low. I was a straight A+ student and even if I didn't used to get all A+, I still used to get A's. The most low I ever in went back in Karachi was when I got 86 percent and I had a B in urdu. It was the worst thing that happened to me. My dad was so angry and upset that he didn't even looked at me for 2 days. And when he finally did I got a lot of scolding. It happened two times and the second time my birthday was around the corner so he didn't scolded me. He just said I won't tolerate suct type of behavior. And I knew exactly what he meant by that.
   So, in this type of situation I could see on their faces and in their eyes. That how upset and disappointed they were but they hid it and tried to cover that up. But I wasn't a fool and most certainly not a blind. I knew exactly what they were hiding and that was the most painful thing.
   They were disappointed that their child had scored some of the most lowest marks one could expect. They were upset that this whole shifting thing had affected me and that it was taking a toll on me. And that was the most painful thing for me at that time.

P.S. Wash your hands. Maintain a good distance. Don't buy and clean the whole fucking shelves. Like christ clam the fuck down. Don't panic. Take care. Stay sanitized.