DEPRESSION

Part 3

   The next thing which happened was after exams, I started to feel like this school and everything was just not it. I don't know what started happening with me. But whenever dad used to be close to school while dropping me and sister, I used to start panicking and my stomach used to start churning. I used to get horrible stomach ache and a serious type of nausea. At first I used to tell my mom and dad about it but soon they started saying that it wasn't possible that I could get it everyday and let alone before school. So, I stopped telling them.
   The next thing which started happening during that time was I used to just start crying for reason why in school. Like it will be break and I would be in my classroom and suddenly I used to start crying. I just couldn't understand why and that used to make things worse. In addition to that I figured out that if I tell my teacher that I just vomited they will call mom and dad and I could go home. This thing worked like 5 times.
   I started thinking that maybe I am the one who cannot understand what's happening and am acting like a bitch. But that wasn't stopping my stomach ache. Few days later, I guess after 3 weeks of this whole nausea and stomach ache and vomiting thing, I started to get a really bad stomach ache even at home. Now just a side note, I wasn't having this ache in home before. It only used to start in school or before school and used to end till the time we used to reach home. Now I was getting this pain even on home.
   This made me panic. I got even more stressed that maybe something was really really wrong with me. On top of that in those days we got our test schedule. It was very hard for me to study in that state of mind and body. I had at this point became very conscious about how I looked, how people used to look at me and the way they talk about me. And this was becoming now a perfect disaster.
   Anyways I gave my tests. In about a week I got the results and now I was basically a dead body in a living form. When I got the result, it turned out I had failed in a test. Now this was a BIG THING. I had never ever ever ever ever failed a test or exam or anything. I just didn't fail. So this was a huge blow. This was the worse possible thing which could've happened at that moment.
   I told my parents. They saw that coming and weren't really affected. So they shrugged it off and told me that it was ok. I can do better.
   I was now just a body who had only a soul and that's it. That's who I was at that time. After about a week of this result, my mom literally scolded me that I have to stop with this stomach ache nonsense and that everyone was affected not just you (me as in me not my mother). She screamed and yelled at me for an hour. I didn't showed any emotion. The only thing I said to her was that I am serious about the stomach ache. I am not joking about it. She took me to the doctor. The doctor was a very good one. When he realized what has happened and is going on with me he asked my mother if it was possible that she could leave us alone for a minute. My mother was angry with me so she just stormed out.
   The doctor asked if my mother was right about me faking this stomach ache and nausea. I told him that I am serious and I really get this ache. After that he gave me some stomach ache and nausea meds. Later I took them and they really did affected me. I was in a better condition than before. But I had not forgotten what my mother did.
   That's the time I started becoming suicidal. One day mom was not hope. I wrote notes about how I really hate this school, this city and my life. When my mom came home, till that time I had slept so my sister was up when she came home. My mom literally freaked out when she saw the notes. This time she realized that something was really wrong. After that her attitude with me completely changed.
   This was the time I finally, after about whole two months of crazy shit going down, I got a lil bit better and started to feel better at home at least. But this was the time things started to change and you can say that basically my eyes were finally opened or had at least started to open. And oh boy that was hard as fuck.

P.S. Don't panic. Stay safe. Wash hands. Maintain physical distance. Stay calm. Take care. Stay sanitized. ❤❤❤💗💗💗💖💖💖