Love Is Pain My Dear

Her not loving me is worse then her hating me

The London market was filled with busy shoppers, after all it was a Saturday. Dozens of Londoners brushed shoulders with Johanna as she went around picking up meat and veg for Nellie. Johanna was happy that Nellie was spending the day with Lily, the weekend was undoubtedly a busy time for the baker and so what little time she got to spend with her daughter she took.

She had been shopping now for a good half hour. Her basket was almost full and as she walked towards the next stall her eyes met those of someone familiar in the distance.

"Father!!" She cried out her eyes widening in surprise.

Sweeney gulped as he noticed his daughter through the crowd of people. Rushing through the London shoppers Johanna placed her hand on top of her head to hold down her hat as she ran towards him.

"Johanna?" He frowned looking around to make sure no one could see him as he pulled her into a side alley out of sight.

"What are you doing here!" He sounded irritated which had surprised her, only she didn't know he was just scared for her safety. Arnold and his men were all around here they could be seen!

"What has been going on! Nellie's heartbroken and all because of you, why father! Why did you do it!" Pulling her further into the dark alley Sweeney hushed her as she became hysterical. Although he wasn't meant to say anything, after 3 months keeping it to himself was becoming tiresome.

"Johanna keep your voice down" he warned through dark eyes and only then did she notice her father didn't seem like himself. He looked bruised and tired around the eyes for that she suddenly felt concerned.

"What's going on?"

Looking around again Sweeney sighed loudly running his hand through his hair. "If I tell you you have to promise you won't tell Nellie anything" his eyes were deadly serious so serious that Johanna knew something was troubling him. He looked almost frightened about telling her which was even more confusing...

"What is it?" She whispered searching his distressed eyes for answers.

"I..." clearing his throat her lowered his voice. Inside his mind he was debating whether telling her was the best idea. Yet this awful lie was eating at him, he had to let someone know the truth. "I'm being blackmailed..."

"I don't understand?"

Sighing again Sweeney placed his hands on Johanna's shoulders "there are these men, dangerous men and they have something on me that they are threatening to expose...something from my past"

"Like what!" Johanna snapped in horror which had him hushing her again.

"I can't tell you, Nellie knows...." Johanna frowned at his and stayed silent as he continued to explain. "They are making me work for them....and if I don't do as they say....they threatened to hurt both Nellie and Lily, even kill them" her eyes widened and suddenly she felt sick! This was serious! Whatever he was doing was protecting his family and for that she felt the need to cry. Yet, Johanna was remaining calm and held back the tears.

"But why did you have to lie....you broke her heart"

"I had to" he sighed removing his hands off his daughters shoulders and running them both through his dark hair. "They told me I couldn't tell her a thing, they figured she would get herself involved, which of course knowing Nell she would, the only way for her to leave this whole situation to me was to break her heart and walk out....that way she wouldn't come looking for me.....but I love her Johanna, it's been as painful for me as it has on her..."

Tears began to roll slowly down her cheek to which Johanna wasted no time in hugging her father close.

"She might have understood? Maybe it would be better for her to know..."