Always Broken (Book 1 and 2)

Chapter 19: Missing You (Book 2)

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Also, stay tuned because this is a long chapter and it contains a lot of details that are vital to the story. Please note, this chapter is not edited.

Sahem Awa

I put my hand on my forehead as I tried to ponder how we were already out of supplies. How had this happened? I clearly remember forcing Maqu to pack more than enough supplies. This included food, water, and extra clothes. So, the question was: how were we out?

"Maqu, I want you to regulate everyone's supplies. Everyone doesn't get a full meal now. I want every soldier, despite their rank and title to receive rations. Every person will receive one loaf of bread, one block of cheese, and two cups of water. Anything extra will be denied. Explain to me how we are already out of supplies Maqu. I am sincerely angry right now," I conveyed to him, as I made a frustrated hand gesture to him, wanting an explanation for the current sitaution.

"Sahem, I'm going to be honest. Our soldiers are tired. They want to go back home and they are out of strength. As to where all our supplies have went, there's many reasons why we are low. The first reason being that we still have to feed sick people. Our population of sick people have risen very high at this moment. And secondly, the soldiers are weak. If we want to make them stronger, we have to increase our amount of food," Maqu honestly told me and at that moment, my heart dropped. How were we going to win a war if all the soldiers were out of energy?

"Listen, I could care less if they are tired. We are all tired. Don't get me started on who's tired," I scoffed. I know what I said was insensitive but if I let myself feel the way they do, we would have all been dead by now. I know they were feeling burnt out but if they gave up now, we would never go home.

My father made an order that we win this war and as the king, he has complete control over what happens. He could either allow us all to go home or make us stay out here for years. So, what seemed to be inconsiderate and disrespectful was really my way of saving them from staying in the middle of nowhere for the rest of their days. I was insuring that they would be able to see their wives and children again. If I let them feel tired, we would never win and we would be here forever.

Who would they blame then? Well, they'd blame me.

"Look, we have to start sending some people home. I know it's hard to accept defeat but we need to think logically-"

"I am not going to repeat myself! We aren't sending anyone home because if we do, it will only prolong our time out here. We are all tired and we all want to go home. Being a soldier is about being brave, swallowing fear and having courage even when it's hard to do so. Don't you think I'm tired? I haven't slept in days and every day, I receive a letter from the woman I love telling me she's worried about me, telling me to answer back to her letters. And I have to resist the urge to go all the way back home and hold her in my arms. So, despite how tired we all are, we will continue to be brave and move on."

"If that is what you feel is best, that is what we will do," he replied, extremely disappointed. I knew he felt I was making a rash decision but right now, we had no choice. Postponing a war never ends well. It's now or never. Either we win or lose. I promised Lorena to come back to her and I know my soldiers promised people they would return home. We couldn't do that if we risked fighting for years by postponing a war. I wouldn't allow myself or anyone to break any promises we made to our loved ones of coming home.