𝐻𝐴𝐼𝐾𝑌𝑈𝑈!! 𝑂𝑁𝐸 𝑆𝐻𝑂𝑇𝑆 (DISCONTINUED)

Kiyoomi Sakusa × Reader (Part 1)

~☾︎ Affection Isn't Sakusa's Forte ☽︎~

2nd person's POV

Ideally when you asked Sakusa out, you thought he would open up a bit.  He had said yes, willingly at that but it was apparent that he's wasn't really trying.  And you didn't dare reach out physically because of his self-kept nature.  It was so hard to talk to him though, that's why you thought it best to just let this idea of being his girlfriend go.  That's why you decided to confront him, just to sever the tie.

L/N's POV

"Sakusa, can we talk?" you ask from the door of his classroom.  He looked at me, boredom clearly visible in his eyes, or so I think.  He talks to a couple of his teammates from the volleyball club.  Then he gets up silently, walking over to me.  "Let's go to the roof, less people," he states walking past me.  I follow behind, not beside him.  He'd just feel more crowded.  "What are you doing back there?" he asked almost annoyed, shocking me.

"O-oh, I um, just didn't want to make you uncomfortable," I reply honestly.  He looks at me like I'm an idiot or something.  "You're my girlfriend, it's fine," he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me beside him.  He doesn't let go, and I'm starting to have a storm in my stomach.  Why do I feel like I shouldn't break up with him, just because he initiated the physical contact?  No, he never did it before, so the fact he's only trying now doesn't make it any better; right?

He pulls me along to the roof, our classmates staring at our intertwined hands.  He even laced his fingers through mine.  I blush at his bluntness.  Why did he have such a sudden change of heart only now?  We reach the rooftop, and I walk to the chain link fence.  I let go of Sakusa's hand at the door.  He looks almost confused now.

Sakusa's POV earlier~

I was sitting in my classroom eating lunch peacefully when Motoya walked in.  "Hey Sakusa!" he greets me with his stupid grin.  "Why are you here?" I ask coldly.  I just wanted a peaceful lunch today.  "I came to talk to you about L/N-chan," he says.  "Yeah, what about her?" I ask suspiciously.  He pulls put the chair in front of me, sitting on it backwards to face me.

"You haven't really been treating her like your girlfriend, ya know?" he mentions with a worried expression.  "What's that supposed to mean?" I question.  He looks at me like I'm the idiot here, and that's rare.  "You practically ignore her; every day," he states.  I hadn't even realized that we weren't talking much.

"She talked to me Sakusa," he says, grabbing my attention at one hundred percent.  "What about?" I ask.  "She doesn't even think you care.  She feels like nothing has changed between the two of you.  And I can actually say that I agree with her.  She told me that she's been giving you space because you're the one who doesn't like crowds.  Sakusa, she's being more considerate of you than I've ever seen before," he pauses, "You need to initiate the contact."

I widen my eyes at his information.  That's how she's been feeling?  And she didn't even talk to me about it, instead she confided in Motoya.  If he's that much closer to her, what does that even make me?  "You better look at changing the way you treat her.  She's gonna lose feelings ya know," he advises me.  That's when I heard her sweet voice at the door.

We walked up to the roof.  Now I'm waiting to see what she wanted to talk to me about.  "Sakusa," she starts and I realize that I was holding my breath.  "I-I think we should break-" I cut her off not wanting this idea of what we have to end.  "Don't," I say looking at her pleading with my eyes.

What am I doing?  I never reach out, I hate unnecessary contact, and I hate talking to people I barely know.  But why does she make my heart beat differently?  She takes a step towards me with tears in her eyes.

"Why?" she responds.  I can't think of an answer fast enough.  "Tell me why I shouldn't break up with you Sakusa," she states, not a question.  "You don't like physical contact, you don't open up to anybody, and you hate unnecessary attention.  All of which you've been avoiding me to avoid those situations!" she breaks.

She gasps at losing her cool in front of me.  "W-we're done Sakusa," she says angrily.  She brushes past me swiftly, and I don't do anything to stop her.  Why the hell am I not running after her?  What can I do to save this?  But at the same time, what do I have to care about; we did nothing together.  But I have her to lose, and that's enough reason for me.

I rush down the staircase, looking around for her.  I run to her classroom in hopes of finding her.  I see her outside of her classroom . . .  In Motoya's arms.

At this point I know that I'd only be trying to catch fire bare-handed.  There's no saving this, especially when all we had was an idea of being in a relationship.  Ideas don't always flourish, and this one has already died.

Five weeks later~

I wonder what I could have done that day to save our idea.  She's already moved on.  And yet the thoughts linger in mind every day.  I don't even know why I said yes in the first place.  It was such a fleeting moment.  And to think we were 'together' for a month.  I neglected not only her needs, but my own in our so-called relationship.  Damn it all!  I need to get her out of my head, but why is it so hard!?

I look out the window and notice the passers-by in the courtyard.  I catch Motoya jog towards a girl in the center of the courtyard.  When she turns around it's only then that I realize it's L/N.  The two of them converse for a little bit.  L/N is blushing madly and Motoya is rubbing the back of his head nervously.

I wonder what they could be talking about.  And then I know.  Motoya leans forward, grabbing her face in his hands, kissing her.  She leans into him, not breaking away.  I can't.  I can't watch my ex and friend get it on while I did nothing to keep her.

I send my chair scraping behind me loudly.  My classmates look at me visibly surprised.  I storm out of the classroom to the nearest men's restroom.  I open a stall with a tissue and slam it closed.  I pull a toilet cover out of the box and rest it on the seat.  It sit on it fully clothed, and cry.