The Bet (SF9 DaBin) ~ Book 1

22 ✔️

It wasn't only Youngbin who suffered of the nightmares and memories. He was young back then but he wasn't stupid, he pretended not to have heard or seen anything when in reality he still was haunted by the memories of everything his brother had to experience. He saw the bruises on his body and his broken spirit, he knew exactly what happened whenever he wasn't home and what his father said to him when he decided to search for help and tell their parents everything.
Youngkyun was young but he understood and it scared him. It scared him to be different, to trust others and to love. He wanted to date but he couldn't do it, every time he met someone he liked he remembered everything as if he was the one experiencing it. He knew that Youngbin hated to talk about it or even remember it but Youngkyun couldn't forget the many sleepless nights they have spent together, him watching over his older brother to make sure he wouldn't get completely lost in his own thoughts and do something stupid. Youngkyun remembered how much his older brother relied on him, that the younger was his anchor, the one who would always be by his side and keep him safe. He was ashamed of himself, of everything that happened and the fact he relied on Youngkyun as if he was his older brother. Youngkyun knew everything and he would never forget even if he sometimes wished he wouldn't have been able to comprehend it all. It was this time of the year again, the months in which all of this took place and their nightmares started appearing again. It was this time Youngkyun was usually always with Youngbin, keeping him company as they were both trapped in their own thoughts. It was the first time Youngkyun was sitting in his room all alone, with his older brother not being home for the first time. He wanted him to be happy but he was worried that Sanghyuk would just play around, would only hurt his brother the longer they spent time with each other. Sometimes Youngkyun thought all of this affected him even more than Youngbin, having seen both sides, the way his parents reacted and the comfort he was seeking in the younger. Youngbin was scared of the wrong people whereas Youngkyun feared love and contact to other humans. He was scared of seeing them being disappointed or disgusted by him, making it hard for him to actually talk to others and make friends. Despite only being the one watching he was way more wary than his brother and he wasn't sure if this would ever change. Youngkyun saw his whole world crashing down once and he wasn't ready to witness it again without being able to do anything or being the cause of it this time. He was hoping that Youngbin wouldn't make the same mistake twice, that Sanghyuk was a good guy behind his player facade and that nothing bad would happen. It was already enough that his father left them, one of the most important people in Youngbin's and his life. He was always closer to his mother but he still looked up to his father and loved him but for Youngbin he was everything. Their father used to take him everywhere, wanting Youngbin to learn as much as possible and be a good father in the future. When he left the older was devastated, knowing that he was a disgrace to the only person he looked up to and wanted to become exactly like him. After he left, Youngkyun quickly grew up, despite being the youngest he knew he had to take care of their mother and Youngbin. It took months for the older to get back to his old self and they both knew it was all because of Youngkyun who never once complained or was tired of caring for them.
Ever since this happened he knew that they were friends instead of brothers, friends who could talk about everything and protect each other and then Sanghyuk came into their life. As long as he would make his brother happy he could live with it but he just couldn't completely trust him, not after everything Chanhee told him. It was hard for him to trust people, that was probably the reason why he and Chanhee immediately became friends.
There was only one person who made him a bit unsure about the fears he had. Yoo Taeyang made him question if there really were no people he could trust, the first person who got close to his heart in such a short amount of time. He was the sunshine in Youngkyun's life after such a hard time and he really wanted to trust him and show him who he really was but his fear was stronger than the emotions the older managed to stir up in him. He knew exactly that he couldn't avoid falling in love but he hoped that it wouldn't have come so early, that he would have time to figure his own feelings out before someone would appear  in his life and make him question everything. It wasn't the fact that Taeyang was a guy, but the fact that he seemed trustworthy and caring.

******************************************************
That is by far the worst chapter I have ever written 🥺😭