The Bet (SF9 DaBin) ~ Book 1

38 ✔️

"Sanghyuk-ah, there's something I want to tell you about. I want you to know before you decide if you still want to date me. I don't know if you're ready for it but I don't want you to be my boyfriend without knowing about this. I don't want you to be disgusted" Youngbin said as he sat in front of Sanghyuk, the younger's smile falling as he looked at the boy he deeply fell in love with.
"I could never be" it was hard for him to get it out " disgusted of you." He never once thought about the older like that and he was sure nothing could change that.
"It happened a few years ago. It's about my first boyfriend, his name was Hajoon, he was a few years older than me. He was a narcissist, I only found out about that a long time after we first met. I don't want to talk too much about him or how we met, I just want to say that I was really happy at first. He seemed to understand me, there weren't many people like me in our neighborhood so it felt really good to finally have a boyfriend. Hajoon was a very sweet person, at first, he would always bring me food, fetch me from school and drive me everywhere I wanted. He allowed me to drink, to do everything my parents would never allow me. He always made sure that whatever we did was by mutual consent. He didn't force me into anything, he gave me time until I was ready. I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together" the older reminisced, making Sanghyuk feel a bit uneasy, as if he would be the third wheel.
"I never thought he was mentally ill, I never thought he would lie to me. I first found out about it when he didn't know I was near, talking to one of his friends on the phone. He told him how easy it was for him to make me fall in love with him. He told his friends about everything we did, how we did and how I reacted. Whenever he thought I wasn't around he told them at how pathetic I was, how much he hated to look at my face. At first he only told them without me knowing anything about it. It didn't take long for him to say those things to my face, he used every chance he got to remind me of how much better he looked. He always told me that I would never be pretty or good enough for someone to truly love me. I believed him, I had nobody else to tell me the contrary so I thought he was right. I never felt truly happy about myself even before meeting him, he made my worries turn into hatred towards myself. He told me that no matter how much makeup I used or at how many times I'll change my hair color, the result will still be the same. I started becoming even more self-conscious, every time we went drinking with his friends I'd drink so much until I couldn't remember anything. We continued like this for a few months, I'd stop talking with my parens and Youngkyun and spend most of my time with Hajoon. I thought this is how it would be for me, I deserved it and made sure to always be there whenever he needed me. There was one day I drank until I was completely drunk, resulting in Hajoon almost carrying me home. I was drunk but I wasn't drunk enough to forget about everything. Whenever he drank something he was very aroused, every time we went out to drink it resulted in us sleeping with each other. It was close to my exams so I spent most days studying, I haven't been sleeping for days so I was tired and not in the mood to sleep with him. I told him and he said it's alright. He asked me if I didn't love him anymore because I haven't kissed him once that day, I was young and naive, I thought I truly loved him. I gave in and started making out with him, he used this to try and sleep with me. I was too tired and didn't feel like it so he got angry at me, he started undressing me, not listening to my complaints. He didn't care about my already aching body, he didn't care about my pleas. He just wanted his own pleasure. I yelled at him but he just slapped me, silencing me before he started undressing himself. I was scared, too scared of saying something and too scared to open my eyes. I just lay there and waited for him to finish what he started. He hurt me a lot, he just used me like he would use any toy. After all I was his toy all along, nothing more" he said, tears rolling down his face as he remembered this incident. He wanted to be strong but he couldn't, sobs wrecking his body as it all felt so real again.
"I'm here. I won't leave you. Never" Sanghyuk mumbled as he embraced him, gently stroking his hair and back while letting him cry.
"Sanghyuk-ah I'm not worth it. Even my father left. I told him because I was so scared and hurt but he just left me, disowned me for letting Hajoon touch me like that."
"Have you reported him to the police? He raped you" the younger exclaimed, angering him. How could anybody do something like that to him?
"No of course not. They wouldn't believe me. They don't even believe most girls so why would they believe me?"
"So he's still out there?" he asked and Youngbin only nodded, feeling safe and protected in Sanghyuk's embrace.

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Part 2 will be coming up shortly.