Unsent Letters

To My Best Ex

December 20, 2020

Dearest Ex,

I think the best way to start this letter is to freakin admit that I thought I was gonna marry you. Or you were gonna marry me. Or we were gonna marry each other.

Holy shit. I'm actually writing this letter. I don't know if I'm gonna get to the end of this letter or even have the guts to send this to you. But okay here it goes.

This is the tenth paper I'm going to waste for today. Let's not count the papers I've wasted yesterday because it's either I've said too much or I've said too little and I always end up crumpling the papers and throwing them all away. But then again, I hope this is the last paper I'm going to waste for you today and evermore.

Hi Julian. It's been a thousand days since we broke up. Don't count the days. I just said that for poetic purposes and reasons. How are you? I'm guessing you are happy and contented and mature and stable and just--good overall. I wonder if you're also wondering about me. I'm also good if you ask about my career and I'm also happy if you count the hours I've watched Korean Dramas because I'm always laughing. Overall, I'm good, too.

Anyway, I'm just bored. And I'm not planning to get back together with you. Nor that I want to get back together with you. Nevermind that I said in the beginning of this letter that I thought I was gonna marry you. But of course, now I know that's so impossible because we're now on different sides of the Earth. And we're both living our lives happily apart.

You weren't my only ex. I mean I've had so much boyfriends after you for I thought I was going to find another you in this lifetime. But sadly, I didn't. And I just want you to know that you remained my favorite amongst all of them.

You were my favorite because you argued with me until our lungs were begging for us to stop. You accepted my flaws but in between all of them, you corrected my wrongs and made me see the beauty in all things. You didn't open the door for me because you knew I could handle myself very well. You cried with me and laughed with me and you weren't afraid to show the world the real you. And that's what I loved so much about you.

People say that you are my one that got away. But I think you are my one that was sent away for millions of reasons because we weren't for each other in the end. And that's even worse and more painful than a Katy Perry song.

I think this is the end of this letter. Merry Christmas and I know 2020 has been a total bitch but I hope 2021 is even better for you. Thank you for coming into my life and for being mine for only a short period of time. And for showing me and making me realize that some things were just never meant to last no matter how much we want it to.

Love,
Raiza

***
Dedicated to:
myrrhapiag sksksks mao na ni akong Christmas gift. ✨🤣