Time doesn't matter and you're gonna die. This place is a mess but it kept me here for a while. I guess I owe it a proper goodbye.
○●I'll say hello to the stars, while you are still passing by cars. On your way to find me●○
I'm here now. I walked the whole way, my car still at my mum's house. I left everything there. Every single thing that I still had I left there. Well except my phone, but I turned it off so that they couldn't call me. I bet you're on the way now, stuck in traffic though. It's still rush hour, people trying to get somewhere. You're trying to get to me. I'm trying to get to the stars.
○●I'll scream to the air, because you're still not here. Lost, on your way to find me●○
I've been screaming song lyrics this entire time. So many words that mean so much to me. I wrote them all down for you, I put the papers on your desk by your flowers. You probably already found them, but only read a few lines before you understood. You probably ran to your moms car knowing exactly what I was doing and where I'm at. You were always so smart, that's something I'll miss most about you.
○●I'll sing and I'll dance, because you're losing the chance. You're lost, on you're way to find me●○
I can hear so many songs just playing through my mind right now, I'm sure you hear a few too. I dropped my jacket on the ground somewhere, it slipped down my arms as I was spinning through and dancing around. I didnt mind, its getting warm now anyway. I just turned my phone back on, and immediately played my song. The whole song I haven't sung today. The first few cords, they feel different. The words lay in my mind at different angles now. It's so much more beautiful now. I think its because this is the last time I'll hear this song while breathing. I wonder if you hear it too?
○●I'm slipping and falling, but dont here your voice calling. I'm lost, on your way to find me●○
I'm so close now, I feel it. The adrenaline pulses fast through my veins. I can only hear the music in my head now, not the sounds coming from my phone. The blood rushing through my ears is too loud now. I'm still just slowly moving my body along, swaying across the ground. I'm so close to the edge. And you? Oh, you just got here. You jumped out of the car, and now you're running. Running towards me, but you won't have enough time to find me. For you, you can just barely see my silhouette I'm so far away. For me, I can't hear you scream my name, calling me away from the edge. I'm right there now. Gods, it's so beautiful. I see the sun setting, the moon rising, the stars coming out to tell me to think before I jump again. I feel the wind trying to push me back towards safety, the trees pulling me back, the dirt around my feet trying to cement me in place. But oddly enough, I feel peace. Everything feels so light and peaceful that it's so soothing but also traumatic at the same time. How come I only felt this, when I'm inches away from my departure?
You stepped on my shirt when you got there, turned around with the tears running down you face just as fast as you were running moments before. That's my favorite sweater, you know it. In the right pocket, there's a pill bottle. I already took all of them, that's why I'm dizzy right now and think this is a good idea, sorry. But inside is the letter that is this one. Hi. Is it weird that I've already planned this out? This moment has been the only thought on my mind for the past few months. You knew that from the beginning. "I'm leaving", I told you that on a Saturday night. 11:32 p.m. crazy right? It was raining outside, and you smelt like a bonfire and peppermint hot chocolate. I miss that, it was nice. You probably thought you could save me, didn't you? But also thought about how far gone I already was? I'm sorry, I wish it could've been that way. But I'm already gone.
I'm still here on the edge. You just turned around. It feels like every single second is actually taking a whole minute to happen. It feels weird, it might be because I took 70 pills less then an hour ago but who knows. You're still behind me by about two hundred feet, you ran faster than I expected. But I'm still closer to the edge now, aren't I?
I feel like while I'm still here, I should explain myself. I do believe that this was my fate, I was never meant to stay here for long. I've always been so sad about everything. Many people thought they could save me, but nothing heals depression like mine. But that's okay for me, I'm fine now. I'm free. And I know what people say, how I'll just be passing my sadness on to other people. But I dont think that's how it works for me. All of my bad memories, and sadness will leave with me, but my good memories and my happiness will stay with you. Please let them stay with you, they have to live somewhere. Just allow me to leave, never forget me. But live without me, you'll be okay. You'll grow up and do wonderful things. Please dont think I'm being condescending, I'm not. I just have strong faith in you. I can't wait to see what you do, I'll meet you again someday. And I can't wait.
Right now, I'm one step away from my peace. This cliff is just so high, and the water down below me looks beautiful. I've planned this all out, people will find my body tomorrow morning. Though I wish they'd let me float away, it would be like a viking funeral. I'm at peace now, I believe I'm happy. I wonder what would've happened if I stayed, it would probably be miserable for me. I'm sorry. I turned around now, you did too. I feel like you can see my face, I see the tears trying to escape off your face. Dont cry for me, dear. And just stay where you are, dont come closer. You're safe there. I can hear all the words that we aren't saying, can you hear them too? Gods, I hate to say it but you look lovely right now.
"I think I'll love you forever!" I'll say it, and easily smile at you. I know you heard me because I can see the thoughts of what you want you're last words to me to be. You can say anything, and it will be just as amazing as you. But it's funny because all you said was, "Me too". Gods, you are the love of my life. I smiled bigger and saw that smile on your face. This moment was nice, I liked it. This is now my last goodbye. Have a good one, and take care of yourself. You'll see me everywhere, I already know it. I'll be with you for the entire time too. Dont worry about me, I'm fine here. I'll see you when it's time for you to find me again. I've always loved you, ya know. See you around, kid.
And then I leaned back, and fell. It felt weird, but in a good way. I felt the dirt move beneath my feet, felt the wind help carry me down, felt the stars call out their kindest regards. I felt this sun and moon gently kiss my forehead and wish me nice travels, I felt the trees grow a little taller as they sang for us. And when I hit the water, it had swallowed me down and held onto me like you always held me. It felt comfortable, felt safe. I felt my breath being taken out of my body, and saw Angel's carry up to you, and they gave it to you. You'll need it more than me. Because I'm gone now.
Dont panic, just stay there. Your parents are just getting here, as are mine. Police only seconds ahead. I wasn't going to leave you here alone. When they get to you, just hand them the jacket, dear. That's it. But I'm sure you did because all of you are reading this right now. Hello everyone, thank you for memories. Most of them were very nice. Dont be mad at me please, and dont be sad either. This whole thing explained myself. That's you're closure. I'm gone now, but I'll still be here with you. When you have the time, go read the rest of the letters I wrote. A lot of important words for you. My last goodbye, but this was also my first hello for something new. The last thought through my mind before I hit the water, and saw as the angels carried me away, it was a nice one. I'll tell you when you get where I'm at. The angels looked like you, and they had said to me,
"Welcome to midnight"
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1573
'Hey Alexa. Play my 'honest playlist'
