Turn Me Back!

Episode 10 - The Chapel at Zair

Kayla offers me recompense for the knives 'lost in the call of duty'. We're still miles from any town or market so the money doesn't help me right now, but at least I'll be able to refit myself when I get back to Druinberg. Besides the compensation, she also promises me the bravery bonus that was mentioned during the briefing. Just goes to show: Don't scoff at a reward until you're sure you won't accidentally get dragged (on goat-back) into earning it.

All's quiet for the rest of our journey. After several more days of forest, we reach the foothills of the Bandus Mountains and make camp. Zair is only a short distance further, but the chapel is built on an outcrop of rock at the end of several miles of unforgivingly steep and rocky path. Long ago it became a tradition for royal wedding parties to camp at the edge of the forest and journey the last stretch to the chapel on foot. Numerous details related to that final trek have gone from accidental to customary and then hardened into ritual over the years. For example, the very first time a royal couple got married in that chapel, one of the guests lost a shoe along the way. Now it's required for one poor sod to only wear one shoe and be forced to limp up the mountain. Even weirder is that male guests actually vie with each other to be the one to do it. There are loads of other stupid things like carrying flowers and chewing mint leaves. Oh, and we're also supposed to be accompanied by goats.

Speaking of which, Billy has been noticeably absent since he ate the assassin party's wardrobe (AND RUINED MY KNIVES). I treasure the hope that it's because he's choked to death on a button and is lying dead somewhere. Being eaten by maggots. While crows peck out his eyes. And entrails.

But it seems other people in our expedition are concerned over his disappearance. Not least because tradition stipulates a specific number of goats. To my mind, this is a triflingly banal detail. I mean, who's even going to know if we're short one goat?

"You'd be surprised," Kayla tells me. "That tiny chapel only holds a few guests, so wedding parties have to bring scribes to document everything for the common people who don't get the chance to see it for themselves."

Writing down everything that happens at a royal wedding? Thank god that's not my job. "And they'll make a big deal out of the missing goat?"

Kayla frowns. "Absolutely. Some fanatics even go around saying that a royal couple isn't truly married if the traditions surrounding the trek to Zair aren't followed to the letter. From a legal perspective, that's rubbish, but my predecessor warned me it leads to rioting and unrest if people suspect their monarchs are living in sin."

Come to think of it, I have a vague memory of one of Waldani's puppet shows where the king and queen were found out to have married illegally. I can't remember what the result was exactly, but I have a strong feeling that it involved a crocodile and lots of sausages.

"Willa!" The princess is calling me, waving madly from the entrance of her tent. "Oh, Willa! Come and see! I have a surprise for you."

Kayla lets out an amused snort. I punch her in the arm before trotting off to see what the princess wants. Maybe she's found the goat. That would be cool. I can wait until after the ceremony to murder it.

Inside the princess's tent, the princess and her ladies are hovering excitedly over a mound of white fabric and lace. "Willa, look!" One of them holds up the mound, revealing it to be a dress.

I stare at the thing they're holding, confused. "Isn't that Princess Isla's wedding dress?"

"No!" They caper and giggle, clapping their hands. "It's YOUR wedding dress!"

"WHAT!?"

"Oh Willa! I'm so happy," laughs the princess. "We weren't sure if it would be ready in time, but here it is: an exact copy of my gown! You'll be accompanying me up the mountain as my flower girl. And when we get there, you'll be standing next to me in the chapel. Isn't it exciting?"