Turn Me Back!

Final Episode - An Unexpected Ally

It takes a while for everything to be accounted for. People rush around, reuniting themselves with loved ones, claiming prized possessions and rifling the contents of the supply wagons. It seems the bandits weren't very concerned about feeding their prisoners. The cook, having found his trampled chef's hat, gathers an army of assistants to reassemble his kitchen tents. He chases interlopers away from the stored delicacies and sets about preparing the belated wedding feast.

A mounted escort is prepared to ride forth and bring the prince and princess back to camp in appropriate style and pomp, but in the end they aren't needed. A chorus of cries and gasps signals the royal arrival on dragon-back. Spindral circles the camp several times to give everyone a chance to point and exclaim at her passengers, before landing in the huge clearing designated for the wedding feast. The prince and princess dismount to cheers and applause, bowing and waving as if they'd personally been responsible for freeing the camp from murderous bandits.

After that, I leave everyone to their rebuilding and feast preparation activities. Finding a bed that doesn't smell too strongly of bandit sweat, I zonk out and sleep for the entire afternoon.

I'm awakened later by one of the princess's ladies, who does her best to tidy up my non-haircut and dresses me in one of my daintiest dresses. I'm to be an honoured guest at the feast, she tells me.

"That's nice," I yawn. I'd have preferred to have been an honoured occupant of my bed for a while longer. This is why I'd never want to be a princess.

"Still, it could have been worse," I tell the woman. "This whole thing could have been at dawn."

In the forest clearing, long tables have been hastily assembled. Ample space has been left next to the high table for Spindral to sprawl her huge body comfortably. Next to the dragon stands a familiar, oddly proportioned table where Fell is already seated, drinking dark-coloured wine out of a mysterious carved goblet.

I squeeze myself into a space at one of the tables and, as if everyone had merely been waiting for my arrival, the atmosphere explodes into festivity. Beneath the jovial mood I can sense a mildly frantic undercurrent, as if the guests are determined to wring every extra scrap of enjoyment out of the feast as a way of blocking out the horrible ordeal they've just survived.

The prince and princess are toasted with gusto. Several battered nobles in muddy finery mount a pedestal to make speeches, belatedly congratulating the pair on their nuptials. Their words, obviously prepared in advance of the whole bandit fiasco, contain several digs about the wedding night, which cause the prince and princess to look at one another and giggle in a disgustingly suggestive way. I roll my eyes and try my best not to let my mind go back to that clearing, where I heard... I clap my hands over my ears.

And that's why I fail to hear when my name is called. Someone nudges me and I look up. Everyone is staring at me. Kayla stands next to the pedestal, beckoning, with a broad grin on her face. The prince and princess are smiling and nodding encouragingly. Hesitantly, I push back my chair and make my way across the clearing, feeling all eyes on me and my bruises and cropped hair.

Kayla gives me a hand up onto the pedestal and turns to face the assembled crowd of nobles and wedding guests. "And for numerous instances of bravery, above and beyond what she was hired to do, including personal guarding of the royal persons, penetrating enemy lines and mutilating her own hair in the quest to restore Prince Theodore and Princess Isla's wedding to its intended course, I hereby award Wilhelmina Lang with the Order of Hellvan, the highest honour to be conferred on fighters in the Kingdom of Hellavan." Kayla hands me an ordinary wooden shield, whispering, "Just take this, it's symbolic."

It's also heavy. "How the bloody hell did you find out my full name?" I hiss at her.

She winks, turning back to the audience. "And there's one more thing that I wish to award to Wilhelmina today." She pauses. The prince and princess glance at each other questioningly. Looks like they weren't in on this extra award, whatever it is. Maybe it's the bravery bonus. But something tells me this isn't about money.