2 hearts || ryden

[1.1]

i began hurling rocks at spencer's window, not caring how hard they were pelting it.

eventually, i heard a door creek open. "jesus christ, brendon. come in." spencer opened the door wider to let me in.

i rushed up the stairs into his room and sat on his bed. he quickly followed. "brendon, what are y- oh." his eyes widened once he got a glimpse of my face.

spencer sat next to me. "hey, are you-"

"it was ryan. it was ryan this whole fucking time." i cried as i rested my head in the palms of my hands. i felt spencer put an arm around me. "i'm sorry." he said. i sniffled and shook my head. "no, no you shouldn't be sorry." i struggled to speak. i heard spencer take a deep breath. "no, brendon, i'm sorry." he said.

him saying sorry made me cry even more. he shouldn't feel sorry because i was stupid and didn't know it was ryan. spencer let out a shaky breath. "i should've told you." he whispered.

i immediately looked up at him. "what?" i muttered. spencer pressed his lips together. "that's what i was about to tell you earlier, but then i tried to think positive and i didn't want to ruin your day, so i stayed quiet." he admitted.

i sat up. "how?" i asked. "when i looked through the messages, i thought it was obvious with his hints and the way he would act. you also haven't had feelings for anyone since ryan and you still had them, not sure if you do anymore. but i second guessed today, i'm sorry." he explained.

i stared at him. i felt sick. i felt even more betrayed than earlier. "you knew this whole fucking time and you didn't say shit?" i raised my voice. spencer looked down with guilt all over his face.

     "why didn't you say anything?" i stood up and shouted. "i didn't want to ruin anything. you just seemed so happy and i thought things would go okay." he whispered. half of me wanted to sit with him and tell him not to worry, because deep down i knew he just wanted the best for me.

     i didn't care.

     i was angry and confused and betrayed by my best friend.

     "you know what? fuck you." i started to leave his room. "brendon, wait!" he followed me. "no, leave me alone. i don't fucking care." i turned and looked him dead in the eyes. our eyes stayed locked for awhile before i used my sleeve to wipe away tears and left his house.

     once again, i didn't want my parents seeing me like this, so i figured i'd go to dallon's. i texted him asking if he was home and he said yes, so i asked if i could come over and, once again, he said yes.

     so i began walking to dallon's house.