2 hearts || ryden

[14.6]

     ryan and i were laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

     "you're really cute," i heard ryan whisper. i laughed a little before turning onto my side.

     "i'm the cute one?" i raised an eyebrow. ryan nodded and turned to face me.

     "duh." he smiled. i shook my head and grinned before standing up.

     "do you mind if i go get water? i'll be fast," i asked. ryan sat up.

     "i could get it for you," he said.

     "no, it's alright. i'll be back," i told him. he sighed and nodded his head. i smiled at him before leaving the room.

     i headed downstairs and quickly turned on a light so i could see. it was night and ryan's dad wasn't home so it was obviously dark. i grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before making my way around the table and turning the lights back off.

     i went back up to ryan's room and saw him sitting face down on the bed, phone in his hand.

     something was off.

     "ryan?" i slowly walked in and shut the door. ryan didn't answer me. "hey, are you alright?" i asked. ryan looked up at me. his face was pale and his eyes were slightly pink.

"i thought you said that you didn't have any feelings for him?" ryan mumbled.

i raised an eyebrow. "what?"

ryan shakily held his phone up.

oh no.

"that's you, isn't it?" he whispered, staring me directly in the eyes.

i am so fucked.

my eyes went wide and i opened my mouth, trying to speak. i couldn't find the words. yeah, it was me, but how the fuck do i explain?

it was just spin the bottle. we weren't even together when it happened.

"ryan, i-"

"fuck you."

i felt like the world just dropped me from my highest point. i swallowed.

"wait, let me explain-"

"explain? is this not a picture of you and dallon sucking each other's faces?" ryan stood up.

i can't think. everything's going blurry. maybe tears, i don't know.

"well, i- yeah, it's me but-"

"what the fuck brendon? you told me that it was nothing. you told me not to fucking worry but here you are making out with your fucking best friend, the very person you told me not to worry about. why the hell would you lie to me like that?" he shouted.

"i wasn't lying! i really don't-"

"then why the fuck were you kissing dallon?"

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. why am i staying quiet? why the fuck can't i answer?

     i felt frozen.

"leave. right now. i don't fucking care anymore just go." ryan opened his door and pushed me out. "and take your shit." he threw my bag at me. i stood there, looking back at him. ryan wiped one of his eyes with the back of his hand. "fuck off." he slammed his door shut.

     i let out a shaky breath before running downstairs and exiting his house, making sure to gently close the door because i'm not an asshole.

     why didn't i just fucking explain to him? why am i such a fucking dumbass?

     my parents are gonna be pissed if i just waltzed into the house this late while crying my fucking eyes out.

     i sat on the sidewalk and turned on my phone.