Beauty in Darkness

Chapter Twenty Six

I was led to the backstage area of where we had had our interviews. Only now there were no other tributes.

Krishna kissed me on each cheek, wished me luck, then hurried off into the crowd to take her seat.

Olivia came from behind a curtain then led me under the stage where a small metal plate was waiting. It was just like the one I had stood on to be taken into the arena.

"Have fun!" Olivia said as she walked off to join the crowd. Fun? Have fun watching the Hunger Games again? Watching people die? Watching Cason die? Yeah. That's sounds like fun.

I stepped onto the plate and closed my eyes. I found myself wishing I was back in the arena. Isn't that crazy? Anything to be with Cason again. I wished for the times snuggled against him in the trees or the times he practiced his already perfect drawings on me. I wished for Cason back. I would wish to be back in that arena a thousand times again if it meant I could have him back. If it meant I got to see him one more time. Just one more time is all I need. One more.

The plate started rising and I pasted a smile onto my face. After all, I can't be looking weak after I just won the Hunger Games, can I?

The stage lights blinded me and I squinted at first, but slowly got used to them. The crowd was deafening and I smiled and waved as I walked over to the host, Cesar Flickerman. He was positively beaming.

"Akemi Sato! A pleasure to see your beautiful face again!" He said and kissed my hand. I smiled at him and he gestured for me to sit on the victor's throne. It felt all too formal but, I guess, I am formal now. I get a fancy house in the Victor's village. I get money. I get a good life. I'm much better off than half of my District.

Cesar and I talked back and forth until the lights went dark and it began.

I watched a large screen along one of the walls. It started from when I rose out of my plate then showed as I ran to the cornucopia then towards the Taiga with Cason. I tried to remember the pressure in my palm, the feeling of my racing heart, everything. I stared at Cason, trying to remember every detail of his face forever.

And so it went on. It showed mostly Cason and I, but cut to what the other tributes were doing. I turned away when it got to Karlo's death. She was screaming for help as the wolves tore her apart, but none came. I guess the blood pumping in my ears had blocked it out.

After that I kept my eyes fixated on the screen, but was doing something else in my head. I was making a list of all of the families I had to apologize to.

Each Victor goes on a victory tour a few months after their Games. We would see each District, stop in the Capitol, then return to our own. We would see the families of the tributes who are now dead. And three of those families will be staring at me with hatred because I was the one who killed their child.

No apology can make up for it, but I can try. I've never been good at words, but I know being there will make it easier. I can't say nothing. I have to apologize. I have to justify everything that I did. They have to understand. They can still hate me, but they have to know I'm not a vengeful person. That it wasn't fun. That I will have nightmares every night for the rest of my life because I took their child's life. They have to know. Otherwise I felt I may drown in my own guilt.

They managed to cut the Games down to three hours. When it ended, the lights came on and President Snow himself walked onto the stage, a little boy all in white following behind him while carrying a simple wooden box on a purple cushion.

"Congratulations Miss Sato." He said as he placed the victor's crown on my head. I smiled at him.

"Thank you Sir." Just as he was turning away, I got a smell of something that made me almost gag. It was the same thing I cleaned off of Kenta's muzzle all the time. The same thing that I was covered in after the Games. Blood.

I looked all over President Snow, but couldn't see any cuts or a limp. I imagined that the rose in his lapel was supposed to cover the scent, but I got used to the smell of blood so I definitely knew what it smelled like.

After President Snow gave a speech and walked off of the stage, I was led away as well. I was driven in a car to the train station where I boarded the same train that I had taken to come to the Capitol. To the Games.

I stayed in my room most of the journey. I didn't want to see anyone and most people seemed alright with that. I guess they were used to victors being like that.

I didn't sleep that night, just like I wouldn't sleep for many more nights to come. Every time my eyes closed, I saw horrors that made me snap them open. The Tracker Jackers. The insects. The pools of blood. My dying sister. The deaths by my hand. Everything. And Cason. Cason was the worst. Because I could have saved him. I could have saved him but he wouldn't let me.

When the train stopped outside of District Eleven, I was thankful. After getting past the reporters and the cameras I could relax and just be with my family. That's what I needed. And that's what I did.

As soon as the doors opened, I ran over to my sister and wrapped my arms tightly around her. She hugged my back just as tightly and I could feel her tears dripping down my back. My parents hugged us both and for the first time since the Games I actually felt safe. I actually felt at peace.