Y/N'S POV
It's already midnight and they are not yet back.
"Y/N-nim, you should sleep now" Yona told me. Her phone buzzes. Her face lit up reading the message.
"Y/N-nim they will arrive at the hotel" After she said that I hurriedly went out. I heard her shouted my name but I didn't listen. My body reacted on its own. Without me realizing I'm already running.
I can feel my feet getting heavy and I can hear my heart thumping loudly in my ears. They are back my thoughts.
I run until I reached the lounge but no one is there.
"They are not here" I was out of breath but I did not care.
"F-Finally y-you stop" Yona said. Breathing heavily.
"I thought they arrive?" I asked confused and disappointed.
"I said they will arrive but they are not yet here" she explained. I sigh. My strength left my foot and I drop on the floor.
"I'm really an idiot" I said to myself. I should've listened carefully.
"No you are not. Let me help you get up" She offered her hand and I gladly took it. A staff went to our side and asked if everything was fine. We just nodded.
"Let's go back in your room" she suggested but I shook my head. "I will wait here" I said firmly. "You might catch a cold" she said. "I'm fine. Thank you Yona" I told her. She sighs.
"Then stay here, I will get some blanket. Don't you dare run away again Y/N-nim" she told me or more on order me. I just nodded. I feel like an old woman being told off by her caretaker.
I wonder how long since I felt this anxiousness and restlessness. I'm so nervous and scared. It's almost a year since the Ong incident happened and I thought everything will be fine now. Can't I really have a peace? Can't I just live normally? Can I live without being scared, anxious, without thinking what ifs, thinking about responsibilities and obligations?
The more I think about it, the more I feel suffocated so I care not to give it a thought but it still hunted me. Whenever I tried to be happy for once, in a blink, it was taken away. That's why I should not be happy. I choose not to be happy and just pressured myself.
But then they all came to my life and lifted me up from the darkness that was eating me.
Namjoon Oppa save me from committing suide when I was in my teens. He helps me recover and never left my side. He never made me feel alone and it' becomes annoying to the point where he assigned a lady caretaker to help me take a bath so that I'm not alone in the bathroom. He was really over protective. He gave light to me. So, I decided, little by little I will recover myself and, in the future, pay him back.
Then I met Yoongi Oppa, he is a weird fellow and I'm not guilty for punching him the first time we met. But still I'm glad that he accepted me. Although we didn't get along for the time being. Life is shit. That's what he told me. Still, we are to choose what kind of shit our life will be. And it should be a colorful shit. He often whines and he is lazy but he is reliable. And he is a softie inside.
There comes Jimin, He is the first man that I have a crush on. He is so diligent. Always obey his higher ups. Though he sucks because he was put under Yoongi who is lazy. He is friendly and was easy to approach. I don't know what drawn me to him but I guess I somehow wanted to be like him. He is extrovert, handsome and gentlemen. He is a smooth talker and he has a calming voice. We rarely talk before but without me noticing little by little we became friends. He is patient and he is passionate.
Many things happened. Many people help me to become who I am right now. Then he came. In the most unexpected event and unexpected way. He was a jerk, sometimes he is serious, he always come up with crazy ideas, brought me disasters. He is pervert and always harassed me when there's an opportunity. More importantly, he made a deal with me which I agreed and until now I can't believe myself I did. Despite that, he kept his promises. He keeps his word. He always saves me. Comfort me when I'm having a hard time. Protect me. And even told me that he likes me. That is absurd. But his absurdity interests me. Still his actions confused me.
I can't really think how my life will turn out if I didn't meet them. They give me too much memories and taught me things that I never thought I will learn. They are my family.
Now I know why I'm scared.
I keep myself isolated and alone. To prevent me from getting hurt again. From going through that pain again. I was afraid. So I thought I should lock myself up. That I could survive alone. But then you guys broke that barrier that I've built for a long time. To protect me from getting hurt. I was mad but at the same time I was thankful.
When I saw the barrier that I built torn down to pieces, I don't feel mad at all. Instead I feel warmth. I feel saved. I was glad that they broke it. I'm glad that they found me. I'm afraid that if I lose you all, I can't pick myself up again so please.
That's why when I looked at these men in front of me who are smiling at me. These people who saved me and looking at me as if telling me it was over and it is fine now. These same people who supported me and save me. The same people who I can't live without are now in front of me. I can't hold it back.
Tears started flowing down my face. I started sobbing. A relief washed over me.
"Welcome back" I greeted still crying.
"We are back Y/N" they said.
I wipe my tears and control my cries. I smiled brightly. Yeah they are my family.
