Why R U: SaintZee Reimagined

Memory 8

San was handling the order slip to the chef in the kitchen when Nat suddenly nagged him.

"Will Sarah be fine there?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's a bar and she's there by herself, alone."

"Gays don't like girls Nat." San reminded him and picked the tray with Sarah's order on it.

"I know, but what about bisexuals? And I am reminding you man, many called this a gay bar, but we are not really sure if everyone that comes here is into men."

"Hey! Relax okay? Look, Sarah's been here every night for a month now and she's still breathing. What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me? Those two boys there." Nat pointed to Sarah's tables.

San furrowed his brows. At that moment, his mind wasn't on Sarah; it was on the two boys that Sarah's sitting with. The boys wear the same white school uniform as San, but that's not just it-those two boys were the guys that Zen was talking with earlier today.

San didn't know how to respond to the situation. He just stood there, remembered what Nat told him the other night about his classmates finding out San's work. They're not San's classmates alright, but still, they're of the same University.

It turned out that the two boys that Sarah was with were harmless, so San decided not to ask her about them. Sarah immediately went home an hour after eating her grilled chicken and pineapple juice which she complained on San.

"The two doesn't match at all! You should have given me water instead!"

"Fine then! I'll let you drink whatever drink you want as long as it's not beer." San scolded her.

"Okay. See you tomorrow San." Then she kissed San's pale and puffy cheeks.

San straightened Sarah's coat and hugged her before saying, "No. Stop it Sarah, will you? Can't you see how worried I am every time you come here? Those guys in there might be gays, but it's still a bar." San's words contradicted completely on what he told Nat earlier that night. "Please Sarah." He pleaded.

"Don't you want to see me?" a sad voice was clear on Sarah's response.

"I do, but not like this. Please?"

"Okay. I'll go now then. See you when I see you."

San ruefully opened Sarah's car door. It's so subtle, but San still noticed the sudden change of color on Sarah's clear eyes. It's clear to San how he hurt Sarah, that on that moment, he blamed himself for making Sarah cry. He couldn't help it though. It's better this way. He thought. I shouldn't give her false hopes. Maybe, if it were just like two months ago, it's gonna be San who'll chase after Sarah, but things have changed a lot. San wasn't his past self anymore. He should set his priorities, and honestly, his love life isn't one of those anymore.

Sarah didn't meet San's eyes, afraid that San would see her tears. She just got in her car without looking at San who felt guilty on driving Sarah away, but it's for the best.

San walked back towards the bar with a bad mood after Sarah's car turned on the far corner. Guys were coming in and out of the bar then, San is used to this scene. He has seen almost every kind of malice in this bar. He saw guys kissing, making out in the dark corners, but what he got that night was something that he couldn't take.

A guy in black was standing a meter away from the entrance with a cigar between his fingers, unlighted. He spoke in a deep voice to San, but San didn't understand it for every word was in Chinese.

"I'm sorry?"

The guy opened his mouth again, but San was still unable to understand him, but he new that it was Chinese.

"I don't understand Chinese. Can you talk in English?"

"Oh. Are you free? Your body looks good. Come on. I'll give you money."

Driven by the angriness he felt towards himself, San's face became red all of a sudden. He was never talked like this before. Without warning the guy, San hit him straight on the face. "I don't give a fck to gays! Don't you ever treat me like you can buy me! No wonder why your kind isn't respected! Go fck yourself instead!" San continued hitting the gay man until everyone's already out to the entrance. They were all terrified of San and felt sorry on the gay that San was beating.

"Hey San. Stop! Stop!" It was Nat who finally got the nerve to stop San. Everyone stared at San, which he answered with an angry look. The gay's face was full of blood.

"All of you!" San started, "Don't you know why everyone's looking down on you?" He talked to the startled crowd, "It's because you don't even know how to respect yourselves! Lust fills your souls! Don't you feel ashamed? Even at your own selves at least?! This bar isn't a bar for your disgusting activities!"

"Let's go San. Let's go." Nat cautiously pulled him into the bar as everyone gave San a puzzling stare.

"You do know that not everyone there understands English, do you?" Nat chuckled.

"Fck man! I gave a shit for nothing then?"

"No. You blurted it out. I'll give you ten gays."

"Fck! Don't you mention about giving gays again P'!"

"No, no. I mean, out there, there may have been ten gays who understood your shit!" Nat finally laughed loudly.

"Only ten?! There were like fifty there! Come on, raise your count!"

Nat just laughed even more. "No no, Seriously man. Was it your first time to be asked like that?"

"Yes." San thought and realized something, "Wait. Have you been asked too?"

"I'm not bragging, but, yeah. Almost every night. That gay you hit there just asked me when I went out to check on you and Sarah."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did you accept his offer?"

"If I did, then you wouldn't have spoiled the party just now."

San just nodded.

He looked at Nat. Now that Nat mentioned about him being asked like that, San realized how good looking Nat is. It's true that San doesn't know how to weigh a man's looks, but at that moment, he thought that he's almost into knowing how to.

Nat is tall, maybe even taller than Zen. His face shows every bold feature of a man. Nat's brown eyes looked at San intently. I wish I have eyes like that, San thought. Nat's lips were like girl's that oddly contemplated to his face's manliness.

"What? You okay man?" Nat smacked San's head, "Don't stare at me like that. You're giving me creeps."

"Oh." San composed himself, feeling guilty, he blushed. Fck! What was I thinking?! "Yeah."

A minute of awkward silence caught them, though in reality, the loud music of the party could make them deaf "You look good too." It was Nat who broke the silence.

"Huh?" San was startled when Nat talked, he was still arguing with himself on why he sees Nat like that.

"I said you're good too. It's a gay bar. It's just practical that aunty Naifang would hire good looking guys like us."

"You talk big P'!" Finally, San escaped from his thoughts. "You really think that you're handsome eh?"

"Am I not?" Nat smiled to San.

"Ah...eh..hmmmnh..." San once again was drowned to his thoughts, "So...how much do they pay you?"

Nat smacked San's head once again. "Do you really think I'm that desperate? Let's go. We should start cleaning the tables, the ruckus you did drove our customers away." Nat made an emphasis on the customers and teasingly smiled at San.

"Your customers." San corrected him.

Nat just laughed and the two returned to their works.