The Hidden Life of Amanda Harp

There's a double meaning to that.

I'm so done with the world right now. I'm done with everything.

I'm so pissed at Connor.

Yes, I'm happy he took care of it, but I'm pissed at the same time because I told him not to and that's all the media will talk about.

If the media didn't know about it, I would be fine, but seriously, I left the house to get tampons and I was bombarded with a fucking Tampax Pearl box in my hands.

I've been moping in my room for a week and a half. Conner comes over every damn day. Mom won't tell him to leave because she would never kick out family.

They even went as far as having everyone come over for dinner.

I locked my door...

It's the next morning and they're still here.

I woke up at six in the morning, which is now.

I stare at my ceiling and then sigh and get up. I trek across my room to the bathroom, take out my tampon and then get in the shower. I wash my hair and body and shave and then hurriedly get out, put a new tampon in, dry off, hang my towel, and walk out of the bathroom butt ass naked.

In my room there is a mirror to the right and the mirror slides over. That's my bathroom. To the left of the mirror is a little hallway with the bathroom which has double doors. There is another door in there that leads to the toilet and through that door is a balcony that shows off the whole city and the beach. To the right of the mirror is the music room that you can get in to from the hallway, so that door is locked from my room.

I open the mirror and go in my closet. I shut it and go right upstairs, naked still. I get out black panties and a beige pushup bra. I pull them on and put on a white loose shirt that has a spoon neck. I add red skinny jeans and white converse. I brush my hair and put it up in a bun. I put on a bit of makeup, brush my teeth, grab my wallet and keys, and then I slip out of my bedroom.

Please still be sleeping, please still be sleeping...

I tiptoe down the hallways. The maids are awake and they give me gentle smiles. I return them and go quietly down the stairs.

And everyone is awake, sitting in the living room.

My family of five different families combined into one.

I stare at them with wide eyes and then make a run for the door.

My cousin, Hannah, lunges at me and tackles me to the ground, sitting on me.

"You are not going anywhere, Amanda." She says.

"Get off, Hannah." I hiss.

"Not going to happen, not till you fix your problem with Connor."

"Who's Connor?" I ask.

She swings but I turn my head.

"Get off her Han." Aunt Judith says. She listens and I try to make a run for it, but Mike pins me against the wall.

"I'll bite you!" I threaten.

"Listen." He says. "I know your mad-" I squirm and he tightens his grip on me. "-But you can't avoid Connor. There is a lot of unsaid things between the two of you." I squirm again. "Amanda, listen!" he says. I sigh loudly. "There is a lot of unsaid things. You can't avoid him."

"Avoiding someone and being pissed with someone is two entirely different things." I hiss.

"Just talk to him." He begs.

"No." I say.

He looks at Connor.

"Plan B?" he asks.

"I think it's time." Connor agrees.

Mike grabs my hands and Colter grabs my feet and they start to carry me to the stairs.

I yank my arms from Mike's grip and get my right foot loose from Colt. I kick him in the balls, grab my wallet and keys, and I run for the door.

This time, it's Connor who wraps me. He locks his arms around my waist from behind, my arms locked with his.

He's got me restrained.

"Let go." I say harshly.

"No." he says. He lifts me up and carries me upstairs while I scream profanity at him.

He takes me to my balcony and sets me down.

I cross my arms and glare at him.

"I'm sorry." He says. "I'm sorry for not listening to you. I'm sorry for putting you in the media."

"I don't care! Sorry doesn't always cut it!" I yell at him. "I can't! I can't fucking do this! I'm so done with everything!"

"I know, and I'm just adding onto it." He sighs.

"Your just the cherry on the sundae." I mutter. "I'm done."

"Done with what?"

"With everything."

"What? No. Where are you going?" he asks.

"I was just going to get out of the house." I admit.

"Let me come with you." He begs.

"Why?"

"Because I want to be with you." He says.

There's a double meaning to that. I know there is because of the way he said it.

My gut is telling me the double meaning, but I push it away.

Shaking my head, I move to step around him.

"You'll see me later." I say.

He catches my arm, but this time, his grip is gentle.

"Connor, let go." I say.

"I didn't mean it that way." He whispers. He's standing incredibly close to me. I can smell the peppermint.

I stare into his eyes.

I've known Connor my entire life and not once have I realize that his eyes are the color of pool water, or clear ocean water.

"How did you mean it then?" I whisper.

"It's hard to explain." He whispers. "I can show you."

I gaze into his eyes.

Slowly, he leans in and kisses me.

Uhh...what?

His lips are soft and gentle and...just...so...Connor.

His mouth even tastes like peppermint...

Kiss him back, you idiot!

So I do.

I lean into his touch and kiss him back.

It's sloppy and awkward and weird but...

I like it.

What? You like it? What the fuck, Amanda? Stop! He's like your brother!

I jerk away suddenly.

Oh god, we just ruined everything.

"I...um...can't." I shake my head. "I'm not...I..." I gulp. "Your my best friend." I mumble. "Like my brother." Shaking my head, I step around him and enter my bathroom. I walk out the door, out of my bedroom, down the stairs, and out the front door without a second glance.