The Hidden Life of Amanda Harp

I feel like I'm trapped underwater and I can't get out

Graduation was stupid. I didn't like it.

Two weeks after and Connor and I are just fighting about everything.

The reason is because I had a fan come up to me a week ago and it was a guy. He asked for a picture and I of course agreed. I went to take the picture and at the last second he kissed my cheek.

Of course I was smiling and then the fucking picture was leaked.

The reason we're fighting is because Connor doesn't believe me. Everyone has been listening to us bicker for a week straight. It only ends when I get mad and lock myself in my room.

"-and you don't even have any proof that you didn't want him to kiss you!"

"I shouldn't need proof! You're my boyfriend! You're supposed to trust me!"

"Well you've given me no reason to trust you!" he yells. "I don't want you to be a repeat of Christen!"

The thing with Connor is he has trust issues in relationships since the girl he was absolutely head over heels in love with cheated on him.

"God! I wouldn't do that to you! Keep it up and I'll leave."

"Fine." He snarls. "Fucking leave. You won't be missed."

I feel like a hot fire poker was just shoved into my heart. All signs of anger leaves my face.

"Connor!" Mama Ava gasps.

I let out a breath and tears well in my eyes. "Fine. Fuck you. Your officially single."

I turn around and go upstairs with rivers of tears flooding my cheek. I know he's following me.

"Wait. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I love you. You know I get all hot headed."

"Just fuck off!" I shout at him. "Get out!"

"Amanda." He whispers.

"No. Go the fuck away."

He walks out without a word.

I wanted him to stay and beg for me to be his.

In our fights I've warned him every day that I'm gonna leave.

I didn't think I was, but I am.

I start packing.

I lock myself upstairs. I'll sneak out tonight.

I pack everything. I have sixteen suitcases in the end.

I get a piece of paper.

Connor,

I warned you every day that I was going to leave. I didn't think I was going to, but I changed my mind. I didn't let him kiss me and it hurts a lot that you don't trust me. I'm not Christen. I'm Amanda. Don't try and find me. You won't. For future reference, when a girl tells you to leave, that normally means she wants you to stay. I wanted you to stay and beg. But you didn't. So fuck you. I knew it was stupid to try and date my best friend anyways."

I take a photo of me staring right into the camera flipping it off, I print it and then I tape it to the page.

I sit on my bed until four in the morning and then I slip downstairs. I leave the note in his shirt pocket. He's hardly sleeping but he'll find the note.

I take my time loading the car and then I get in and drive off the property.

I text Abby who seems like the only person who ever cares anymore.

Me: I'm running away

Abby: wtf

Abby: why