The Hidden Life of Amanda Harp

"You don't need to try to look beautiful."

Three months. Three months of tears.

Heartbreak doesn't get better. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

My phone vibrates on my side table. I see I have a text.

The only notifications are of people messaging me begging me to forgive Connor.

I grab my phone and unlock it.

Colter: I know you aren't talking to us and I don't know if you changed your number but the guys and I moved to a new house. If you care the address is 60 Beverly Park, Beverly Hills, CA 90210. Also turn on E news.

I read it over and over again and then grab the remote and turn the channel to E news.

"-Stars wrote a new song. They're performing it today!" the lady says.

I hold my breath when it switches to the three boys.

It's weird without me there. The shit we've watched with us on TV...

The guys are always with me when we watch ourselves and we normally end up throwing popcorn at each other.

Only there is no popcorn in my house, and Mike, Colter, and Connor aren't here.

Got I miss all of them so much.

"Amanda, if you're watching this, this is about you." Connor says.

I drop the remote, pull my legs to my chest and stare at the screen.

He's lot a lot of weight.

In fact, all of them have. They look...unhealthy.

I'm always the rock in our group. I stop the fights.

I see a fading black eye on Colter and a bruse on Mike and a cut on Connor.

Are they losing weight because I'm not here?

They start singing.

You warned me that you were gonna leave

I never thought you would really go

I was blind but baby now I see

Broke your heart but now I know

That I was bein' such a fool (oooh)

And that I didn't deserve you (oooh)

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I don't know if I'll get up

And I don't wanna cause a scene

But I'm dyin' without your love

Begging to hear your voice

Tell me you love me too

'Cause I'd rather just be alone

If I know that I can't have you

Lookin' at the letter you that you left

(the letter that you left, will I ever get you back?)

Wondering if I'll ever get you back

(oohaap, ooh ahh, oohaap, ooh ahh)

Dreamin' about when I'll see you next

(When will I see you next? Will I ever get you back?)