Dwelling Back (Cradles Of The Past Series 1)

5

Forgiveness

When I got home hindi parin ako makatulog. Naka hega lang ako sa kama. Ang dami ng iniisip ko until my phone rang. I picked up my phone and saw it was my mom calling.

"Hello," I answered with no emotions at all. "Shan, I'm sorry about your lola." She replied, see? Ganyan lang sya. I nodded as a tear fell again. Ewan ko ang sakit sakit talaga ng nararamdaman ko.

You know that feeling when you have everything but a family that you can really call yours.

"I'm sorry also because I can't go home right now. Shan, I'm pregnant. Me and Brent are going to have a family." She added and my heart sank even more. "Okay, mom. That's really great. I'm happy for you." I replied holding back my tears. "Okay, thank you. You take care okay? Bye." She replied and the line went dead.

I covered my face with my pillow and cried my heart out. I punched my chest as hard as I could because I wanted to feel the pain physically. I don't know how to handle the pain I feel in my heart, it's tearing me apart.

"Shan! Ano bah! Stop hurting yourself!!" before I could protest Tristan was already hugging me tight and I let it be. I only have him now. S'ya nalang ang nag mamahal ng totoo sa akin and I can't let him slip away.

Kaya ko naman s'yang patawarin sa nagawa nya eh, maliit na bagay lang naman yun.

At least he did not cheat on me.

Alam ko naman eh, mahal na mahal ako ni Tristan. Sino ako para hindi sya patawarin?

I need him so bad right now.

"Please forgive me. Hindi ko sinasadya. I'm so sorry." Tristan cried hugging me tighter and I gave up.

I hugged him back and cried on his chest.

I find peace in him.

He is my home.

I will let this pass. Hindi ko na kaya problemahin pa lahat ng to baka sumunod ako kaagad kay lola.

After a couple of days nilibing na namin si lola. Ayaw kasi ni daddy ng masyadong matagal dahil may business trip pa s'ya sa Singapore.

Nawalan ako ng malay sa libing ni lola dahil sa kakaiyak, hindi ko kinaya until I felt numb. Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat. Okay na kami ni Tristan pero hindi ko pa s'ya gaanong nabibigyan ng attensyon dahil hindi ko parin matanggap na wala na si lola and I always want to be alone.

Hindi ako halos kumakain but Tristan have been very patient with me, inaalagaan nya parin ako.

We're having breakfast right now sa garden, kami lang ni daddy. Tristan's at home. Walang nag sasalita samin ni daddy. He's just reading newspaper while sipping his coffee and I was just playing with my food.

"dad?" I called out his attention. "Hmmm?" He replied not even looking at me. I don't know anymore, kakapalan ko na ang mukha ko at itatanong ko na ang isang bagay na naisip ko nung namatay si lola.

"Paano na ako ngayon dad?"

That caught his attention.

He placed the newspaper on the table and stared at me like I'm crazy.

"What? What do you mean?" He asked laughing a bit.

Why is he laughing?

"Paano ako ngayon na wala na si Lola, dad? Anong plano mo para sakin? Obviously, mom don't care about me, especially now that she's pregnant!" I replied now annoyed because of his response.

"Well, shan. Malaki kana! I suppose you have your own plans now! You stay here, susuportahan parin kita, of course! Ikaw'ng bata ka, ang daming anak jan hoping their parents will let them live independently then here you are asking me about that? Alam mo naman na busy ako diba?" He replied now kinda annoyed too.