Never Been Kissed

Ch.26 ↬ M

Trepidation settled in my veins.

It felt too much like a setup and because of that reason I wanted to flee and subsequently hole myself up in my apartment, barricading the door. I've never liked being thrown head first into the deep end, especially unwillingly. This situation felt too akin to that for the skyrocketing nervousness to ebb away.

That's when I realised Josh was pulling the oldest but possibly the most effective trick in the book by twisting his features into a puppy dog expression with irresistibly pouty lips and sad puppy dog eyes. Shit. He knew that would work. How could anyone say no to that?

Shit. What the hell? If I was going to live in the moment and forget all about what-ifs and maybe situations, then I shouldn't waste such a perfect opportunity laid out in front of me.

Even the waitress was hovering uncertainly beside us, though I noticed her gaze was more drawn to Josh with his softened expression.

"Fine," I replied, harder than I intended as I settled into the seat opposite Josh. "Fine. I'm staying. But you owe me, Kelly."

Josh shot a shit-eating grin directly at me. "I'll even pay the full bill tonight," he said, and I couldn't argue with that one. He turned to the waitress, the grin still present. "A beer and a Diet Coke please."

Appeased that we were remaining in Shake Shack, the young waitress ambled away with a smile to retrieve our drinks. As I turned to Josh, I was minorly startled to see him with his gaze already latched onto me. For a moment, all we did was gaze at one another. Despite our proximity, I felt so distant from him. Metaphorically, I meant.

Because of five years ago.

Because of the wall I've constructed to protect myself.

And yet everything crumbled two weeks ago.

But I hadn't reconstructed it. If anything, I was leaving it bare and broken, barring myself to the world proudly as if to say yep, this is me, and yep, I'm not quite whole and I have my secrets, but I'm so fucking proud to be where I am now.

"I showed Oscar your jewellery commercial the other day. He loves it," Josh said. "Now you've got two admirers, although he seems to have a girlfriend already."

"He'll turn out as a player like his stepbrother."

"At least his stepbrother only has one woman in mind."

As if to punctuate his words, Josh gazed pointedly at me before it turned almost ravenous, his eyes dipping low and across my exposed shoulders and arms. My skin flushed at his behaviour, and somehow the warm fluttering that erupted in my stomach was no less intense than any of the previous times I've experienced it as a provoked response. How did he manage that?

What was he doing to me? What was he doing to my body?

My body craved to be against his in every delicious way possible, but I knew that if the moment arose—somehow that seemed doubtful to me, but a girl could fantasise—I'd paralyse and back out, and that was because of Noah. Although I distinctly knew Josh was not at all akin to Noah, there was still something. Maybe I was just eagerly awaiting the right time.

If that time would ever transpire.

Josh was characteristically a flirt. That was in his nature to be so. Sometimes I realised it was just harmless, but right now, it felt anything but harmless. It felt dangerous like we were flirting with the boundary of potential uncharted territory, flitting between the two as if unsure where to truly reside. Something had to give in order for us to settle in one district. Something had to happen.