Never Been Kissed

Ch.31 ↬ J

"Is she your girlfriend?" Oscar asked me.

Okay, we're commencing with the difficult questions early. I get it. Tactics. I think. Whatever the reasoning behind the six-year-old's inquisition, I was beginning to feel unsteady. It was way too early to be slapping labels on things and I didn't think I wanted a girlfriend.

Girlfriends meant intricately complex feelings and a chaotic disturbance of emotions. Girlfriends meant securing your heart in their hands and trusting them not to tighten their hold on it. Girlfriends meant growing the fuck up... and somehow Vincent was handling things just fine with Raegan.

How that was possible, I was brimming with uncertainty. But he was managing it.

Could I?

When I conjured up my little game plan, I only envisioned fucking Madeline and nothing more—just something to shake her from my mind and the control she had over my body. My cock stirred in my suit pants at the memory of what we did Friday night. But it wasn't enough. Not for me. While I would undeniably never pressure her into doing something she wasn't comfortable with, my body deliriously desired more from her.

I was beginning to get fearful that one night wouldn't be sufficient to quell the sexual frustration from my body. Not after Friday night. And I had no idea what that meant for our future.

"No," I told Oscar, ignoring the sinking feeling in my gut.

One thing, however, was that I knew I would never get too close to Madeline until she dismantled her walls herself by confessing whatever it was that caused her so often to call her dad's phone and leave him voicemails he'll never hear. Something had been a detriment to her in the past and it's still distressing her now. But she'll tell me in her own time. I knew that. Patience was a virtue, and all that.

"But you like each other so that must mean you're boyfriend and girlfriend."

If only things were that simple, I mused.

"It doesn't work like that when you get to my age."

He groaned. "Ugh, I don't want to get to your age. You're old."

"I'm not old! I'm twenty-three!"

"That's old. I'm only six."

Grumbling under my breath, I tousled his hair which he didn't even bother to neaten afterwards.

We were ambling from his school to my BMW parked a few blocks away. Mom was occupied with looking over the finances of Kelly Industries and Frank was on shift at the station which meant only I was available to pick Oscar up from school. Knowing I'd had to leave work early, I arrived at my office at six a.m. this morning to accommodate for the time lost at the end of the day. Suffice to say that now I was absolutely shattered.

"How's Rory?" I asked him, referring to the girl who he licensed to borrow his dinosaur toy.

Speaking of, it's been a long while since I've spotted him cradling the toy in his small hands. Did she still have it in her possession? It seemed unlikely. Maybe he was growing out of his infatuation with dinosaurs? Also unlikely, honestly, considering his backpack was plastered with a variety of dinosaurs.

Oscar became sheepish. "I think she likes me." He looked up at me as if an idea struck him. "Is Madeline not your girlfriend because you're dating your right hand? I remember that. But I don't get how someone could date their right hand."

I swear I stopped walking, breathing—everything. All thought processing ceased. Even the world stopped fucking turning. How the fuck was I supposed to make it out of this conversation with the security that he would never repeat that phrase again. Well, not until he was in high school, anyway. He was way too young right now. Way too young.