Her Chronicle

Prologue

Hopeless. Empty. Sad. Lonely. Painful.  Were the words written boldly on the first page of her diary or what she called her Chronicle.

I looked at the boldly written words and wished I knew early, wished I could do something but not all wishes come true...sometimes I dream I could make everything right, bring back the life I destroyed but those dreams turn into nightmares,they remind me how I took her life, how I made her inner demons devour her and mostly the pain I caused her.

Judy Rae Hall was my beautiful twins name, she was everything, my pride, my better half, she was the strong one among us but I never treated her how she deserved to be treated, like a sister, like family.

Now I'm in her room, holding all the secrets to her life, I want to know why she did it, why she took her life. Its heartbreaking to imagine all the contents here, all the possibilities, all what could have been corrected if only...if only I cared.

She still had that creative cursive hand writing....

Dear Chronicle,
   I remember when dad gave you to me,I was sad but now I see your worth...I've decided to start writing in you cause I can't keep all this pain in me. This is my first entry in you and I know you're gonna be helpful. You're gonna help me sort out all my feelings...I hope, I'll tell you were my life started going off its course....

The memory's still refresh on my mind even though its been two years now. Its become a haunting daydream and nightmare. It gives me restless nights. My dad was my world, the one I looked up to but my recklessness and stubbornness caused me to lose him. My twin brother Jesse Ray Hall, probably hates him and as for my mum, she's managing, staying strong, fighting for us and as for me...

I'm not okay,no amount of sleep in the world could cure the tiredness I feel and it hurts so much. You  can't imagine how I hate myself and when I'm alone at night in my room, I stare at the blank wall knowing its my fault my family is turned upside down, knowing dad's not here and things will never be the same a again, knowing the hatred Jesse shows me, is my punishment for my foolishness.

But its okay if he hates me...cause I hate myself.

Sometimes I want to let go but I can't cause I'll be alright. One day. Some day. Just not today.

Love,
RAE.