𝑰𝑵𝑪𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑰𝑨𝑹𝒀

𝟎𝟐; 𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐚.

𝑆 𝐸 𝑄 𝑈 𝑂 𝐼 𝐴

--

I turn the dial on hot and shut my eyes. heated water begins to roll down my naked body in waves.

I begin to perform an old ballet solo of mine. I pretend that I'm dancing in fire. energy pulls at me in every direction, my heart pounds painfully against my chest but I keep moving; I begin my pirouette. so lost in my dance that I forget, my forehead hits the shower wall, forming me in its box. I pound the wall with the side of my fist before I shut off the water.

I kiss mom on her forehead before I leave our home for school, hoping that my kiss would somehow keep her migraine at bay. she deserves every bit of rest from working such long hours everyday. often, she reminds me that I am her motivation to work so hard. I am thankful to have her as a provider.

I drive my 'old-fashioned' chevy hatchback and park it in its usual spot. before I step out of the car, I rip out a piece of notebook paper and grab the matchbox in my glove compartment. I watch closely as the paper slowly dies.

I am no environmentalist.

I blow out the small fire. I put my earbuds in and listen to music that could deafen me. I step out the car and into school, I wave at some familiar faces but I don't talk. eminem's part was up, he is definitely the best rapper.

I open up my locker and shove all my books in to relieve weight off my flawed arms; thorn and splinter marks had scarred their way onto the surface of that skin from carrying all the wood I burn in the woods.

My earbuds get pulled out by hands that are not mine. large pale hands surround themselves at my waist to ground my body against anothers. there is the seductive lick of ones tongue before a kiss was placed on my ear by lips that felt all too familiar.

"jayden," I don't groan out his name for him to stop, he knows this all too well.

"my dearest sequoia." he calls back for me.

I reel my body away from his, turning to face him. "who said I was yours?" I ask, half-joking. jayden smiles wide, he enjoys my rebellion far too much. we've known each other for three months now.

he takes a step closer to tower me with his taller figure before he wraps his fist around my neck. he sucks every bit of cherry flavored lip gloss off my lips, which I enjoy, I secretly wore it for him to take it off; that amongst other things. I kiss him back with equal passion.

"I'm leaving this bitch. wanna come with?"

he asks me this after both our lips are swollen. I don't know why I don't hesitate, a yes comes out automatically. though I had no problem with or in school, it just wasn't the move today to sit and listen to a stickler drone on and on about a topic nobody really cared about.

we drive our cars to my house so I can leave the hatchback there, once I'm ready, I jump into the passenger seat of his charcoal black mercedes benz. we drive.

the car is going at fifty as we pass through pearl city's ghettoes, jayden barely keeps his eyes on the road as he watches me count the many 'no trespassing' signs that nobody listened to.

"jay, keep your eyes on the fuckin' road!"

I was completely serious about what I said, but laughed when I said it. I don't know why. this boy made me crazy, I couldn't think straight with him. deep down, I don't think I wanted to.

most of the day was a heavenly blur. rihanna blaring through the car speakers. driving at eighty-five on the highway. playing hide and seek in abandoned houses. making out in the backseat. lighting up countless things that nobody would notice. then we went to the beach; our happiness went downhill there. I knew we both wouldn't forget why.

we played around in the ocean with all our clothes on for an hour before we laid up on the sand, then he asked me.

"remember what you said to me when we met, when I asked you about your fires?"

my smile instantly fades, I wanted to avoid this.

"I believe it was along the lines of, 'mind your own fucking business,' am I right?" I attempt to create a smile, hoping that jayden would just go along with my joke. he doesn't.

instead he gets really fucking angry.

"so I share all my shit with you: my mom putting me in a hospital at nine years old, the meds she fucking forces down my throat, my dad leaving, the fucked up thing I gotta call my brain and you won't even tell me your piece? how is any of that shit fair?"

"jayden, you told me all that because you were ready to tell me that shit, and just because you did, that doesn't automatically require me to tell you anything!" I wanted to escape. I had never felt that way around him before and it scared me.

he stands. I didn't want to appear smaller than him even though I already physically was, so I stand too.

"but you can tell me anything, I won't ever judge you." despite the loving words he spoke, his voice got rougher with every word.

and then he started to cry.

it hits me that jayden was going through one of his lows. I wanted to prevent that. I never wanted to be the cause of his anger or his sadness.

"jayden, please calm down—"

"I fucking love you, sequoia. but I don't mean fuck shit to you, right?" he didn't give me the chance to say that I loved him too before he spoke again, "yeah, I thought so."

then he walked away. the sight of him walking away from me was excruciating; my heart broke more and more with every step that he took. in that moment I decided that I would do anything in my power to make him stay.

"my dad!"

jayden stops walking, then he turns to me. my heart stops. "what?"

"my father! he tried to take my life away so I burned him...I burned him and I lit him on fire until he became nothing but ashes in front of me and that was the first time I truly breathed in a breath of fresh fucking air, then it just made sense to burn down the rest of that fucking house signed in his filthy ass name!" I made no sense and I cried so hard that I saw nothing but blurs. the sound of footsteps approach me, then I was in his arms again.

my heart repairs.