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a million negative emotions go through me and I express all of them; I claw up my walls, I throw around my clothes, I kick the hell out of my dresser, I pound my fists onto the bedroom floor until I fall onto my back, exhausted.
"fuck," I knew my body hurt, but my brain can't process it. I'm so angry that I can't feel a thing, I feel numb. I start to panic, my heart drums.
I needed to find sequoia.
"fuck!" I stand up, making my way to the door and throwing it open. I come face to face with saya, who had her fist up as if she was about to knock. she puts it down and gives me a smile.
"hey, jay."
what the fuck did she want right now?
I lightly move her out of my way and shut my door before I go downstairs. I ignore that saya's right on my ass as I walk, I was more focused on how to get through this crowd without punching the hell out of all of them. I successfully make it out the house, sneaking past my mom who looked like she was looking for me. I stand outside for a second to think, then I remember sequoia saying she was going to the forest. I start jumping up and down. so much adrenaline pumps through me, it's hard to stay still or breathe easy.
"jayden!" I turn and see saya, she walks up to me and hands me a capped heineken. "you look so stressed, I got you one. by the way, what's going on with you?" I uncap the beer with my teeth. I blow the cap out my mouth before I drink the whole bottle on the spot. I gulp down the last drop and hand the bottle to saya when I'm done, "mmm, thanks."
I start to turn but saya grabs me so hard that our faces get close. "where are you going?"
saya must've lost her damn mind. "none of your business, saya, don't grab me like that." I pull her hand off me, I start walking again. I'm only ten feet away from the driveway when saya says, "you're looking for sequoia, is that it?"
I don't even bother to turn around, I keep walking. "fuck do you care?!" I scoff. what the hell was wrong with her?
"jayden, I like you!" I been knew that, still didn't give a fuck. I keep walking. "why do you treat me like shit, huh? you used to treat me so good. are you planning on doing the same thing to sequoia? are you gonna hurt her too?" my confidence falters, I almost stop walking. man, fuck saya, now I couldn't stop thinking about how sequoia looked at me when I yelled at her to leave my room.
she stared at me like I was someone else, like I was a monster. I'm not saying that I'm not one, I just never wanted her to see me that way. the thought of sequoia not wanting me anymore motivates me to run, I can't lose her. I won't.
the forest isn't too far away from my house so running is easy. sequoia and I went there so often, I knew that place as well as I knew her, like the back of my hand. I knew exactly where sequoia was and what she was doing; sitting alone in her usual spot burning wood and flowers with her matches, I saw a small matchbox hanging out her skirt pocket when she drove us to the party. I knew she was doing that, but I feel a stabbing in my gut. something was about to pop off. or maybe it already had.
that thought alone has me running faster.
I slow down to a walk once I smell sequoia's fire. I was near. I let out shaky breaths as I approach her spot.
"the fuck do you think you're doing?" I hear someone say, then I hear a female gasp. sequoia, it had to be.
"you realize you're hurting the planet when you burn it? doesn't your school teach you about forest fires or air pollution, little girl?" I walk faster at the tone of this guy's voice with my sequoia. like fuck he was getting away with that. I find a thick branch on the ground and pick it up, I hold it steady and firm in my hands.
"uh, sir, I get your point but back the fuck up." sequoia says, nervous. I come out from behind a tree and see them. the guy was all up on her, backing sequoia up against a tree. she was so focused on him, she didn't see me.
"oh no, you reckless children don't appreciate the world around you! trees, they help you breathe and here you are destroying them! I oughta teach you a lesson since your mama's clearly not giving you one." I lose all my shit when his hand goes to unbuckle his belt.
my mind works on its own, I walk up behind this motherfucker and whack the branch into his head with all my strength. he collapses in front of sequoia, who stared at his fallen body in horror. I pant heavily. I gaze down at the blood pouring out of his head before I look up at her.
she looks up at me with a mix of relief and fright, she steps around his body to come towards me. I drop the branch to the side before I take sequoia in my arms. we stand there holding each other, hearing each other breathe. I relax my head on top of hers and smell her hair, it smelled like cinder and lemon like it always did. I feel at home.
"he's dead, jay. you know that right?" sequoia whispers into my neck. I don't nod, I just smooth down her hair to calm the both of us.
sequoia pulls herself out of my arms, looking into my eyes with her beautiful ones. "we have to get back to the party."
"okay." I grab her face in my hands and kiss her. she kisses me back without thought or hesitation, but she pulls away quickly.
sequoia grabs the blood-stained branch and puts it into the fire to burn, to destroy it. then she grabs my hand and we run without stopping.
