I've spent so much time blaming others
Blaming them for my anger, my sadness, my emptiness
I've been blaming my ex for my anxieties about getting close to people
My classmates for my eating disorder
My parents and peers for my depression
Everyone who's left for my emptiness
But maybe the one I should be blaming is me.
Maybe the reason I can't connect romantically with people is that I like being alone
I can't call it quits with my eating disorder because I don't want to
My depression is still here because I get scared when I'm happy
I push people away and detach because it's easier.
Maybe the truth is I like being broken
Maybe I like the attention
Maybe I like the chase
Maybe it's because the only way I know I'll be skinny is if I keep my eating disorder
Or maybe I've just been struggling for so long that I've given up fighting the thoughts that tell me it's all my fault.
-Ali❦
