Oh, how I've grown to find comfort in your dark treatures, in the way you make hell sound beautiful. Your arms hover around my waist, close enough to touch but not enough to feel you. Being copilot is something I've become accustomed to during days like this. The days where you tell me to let you take over because of how exhausted I've made myself. Everything tells me to say no but I still comply and let you take the reins. I know everyone can see it even though I try to hide it but they know I get a certain way when I conspire with you. You're dangerous but being with you is the only way I know how to cope. Sometimes I don't understand what draws me to you, I know you're no good for me and all you mean to do is hurt me. We fight everyday especially when it comes to what I'm going to eat. God what I wonder what it's like to look at food and not wonder if it's something that you'd approve of. I don't know how to leave you, how to break away from you. Every day your words just get louder and more demeaning.
Sad isn't it? That the worst thing for me is what I run to every time. All I can say is, I'm sorry to my family and my friends. I'm sorry that I don't know how to get away from this and that there's a part of me that doesn't want to.
-Ali❦
