Caught [l.s] (boyxboy)

IM Aching

hiiii guys! happy wednesday. (: i hope you're doing well. 

today was my first day back to school in a week. it was horrid, i swore i was going to collapse walking to homeroom or something. i couldn't fall asleep until almost two in the morning because i've been staying up so late and i'm so glad to be home oh my goodness i also need to update baby lips because i didn't on sunday and i just got a new fic idea and i'm buzzing because for some reason new ideas get me so excited that i can't handle waiting (i need to write it rightnowimmediatelythissecond or i'll explode but then two chapters in i get tired of writing it tbh) and i'm rambling sorry no one caRES

still trying to decide if i want louis and harry to end up together at the end of this book. i could go like, five different ways. thoughts? now's the time for me to pick so i can wrap this up the way i want.. but a cheesy let's-get-married-and-have-7-kids thing seems too cliche to me. and unrealistic.

short chapter sorry and its not edited yet

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"I'm leaving the band, Louis."

Louis' breath hitches before he lets out an airy, skeptic chuckle. "No. You're not. What are you talking about? You're not leaving any band. Especially not this one." He chuckles again, despite the pounding of his heart and the nerves darting through the entirety of his body. Liam is looking at him, clearly confused, fingers wrapped tightly around the edges of his chair like he's waiting for Louis' word to hop up.

Harry sighs a deep, sad breath of air. "I wish I could tell you that's true."

"Why would you even consider leaving?" Louis cries, hand shaking as he brushes some loose fringe from his face. His lower lip trembles, and he knows that Harry probably has that look on his face. The look that Louis hates, the look that makes Louis want to claw his own eyes out just so he won't have to look at Harry being sad for a single second more. He forgets every ounce of anger he feels toward Harry, he thinks, or maybe it flew away the second he heard Harry's voice. Either way, he feels pathetic, especially when the first tears start to form. "What - you wouldn't be anything without us."

"I know," Harry assures him, but, does he? "I know, I know. I know. And... I will always be grateful for the progress we've made, the fans that we've gained, the respect I've earned and the recognition, priviledges, and the memories that came with all of it. Hey, don't you even think for a second that I regret anything that's happened to us in the past four years." Is this even the same Harry that stormed out of the flat last time we spoke?

"You're so two-faced," he tells Harry instead. "I don't know if I'm talking to your good side or your bad side right now. I'm afraid, Harry. 'm scared you'll be done with me again."

"Oh, Lou." He sounds so sad, so Harry that it overwhelms Louis how much he wants him back, but only for a second. Then he's back to sort of hating Harry, sort of loving him, sort of wanting to kiss him at the same time he bashes his head in. It's a frustrating feeling, really, hating the person you love. He thinks. He's not really sure, actually. Come back later. 

"Don't do that to me," Louis stresses, "don't make me feel like things are okay again if they're not. That's not fair. That's... you're fucking with me. Make up your mind. Tell me how you feel. Right now. No more secrets." He sniffles, wiping at his eyes and turning his back to the panic-stricken Liam. "And you're not leaving the band, Harry, for fuck's sake. You're staying right here."

"No... Louis. No, I'm not staying." Harry's voice cracks, and, fuck, Louis is officially crying. He's sick of crying. He decides never to cry again. He briefly wonders if there's some sort of surgery he can get to make it so. "And... I can't. I can't keep doing this. Not to you. It's better if I just leave, let you move on and let you find someone who will never hurt you."

"I don't want anyone else," Louis gasps, because suddenly everything feels wrong and he's so frightened that he can hardly breathe. "Don't talk like that. You can't leave, baby, please. Please talk to me. Please don't let me go."

"I have to. It's for the best."

"No it's not, please, please-"

"I love you, Louis. Take care of yourself for me."

"Harry-"

"Do you know how hard it is to break up with someone you love?" Harry interrupts, and the tone in his voice tells Louis that he's talking more to himself than he is to Louis. He listens, because he remembers Zayn's words, and somehow that's enough to keep him quiet. "It's the worst. Y'know, the worst. The absolute worst. It's like... it's like. You don't ever want to see them get hurt, and you always promise yourself you'll kill anyone who does make them feel like shit... but what happens when you're the one responsible? Do you take it out on yourself? Sometimes you know it's better for them and you know that they deserve a greater chance, because they're worth much more than the mess you've made of things, but it still hurts. And that hurts me too. If you've never had to do it, I can never explain, because it makes me sound like a prick. A selfish prick. But every mother who sends her screaming child to school for the first day and has to turn her back knows, every person who's ever left their family to pursue their own dreams knows, and every pathetic ass excuse for a boyfriend knows that the hurt you feel now will be a lot less than what is to come if I continue to drag you down."

Louis is speechless, to say the absolute least, so Harry continues to speak. "I love you. I do. But I see the look in your eyes, I make you sad. And you wouldn't have gone to meet with Lucas if you were truly happy." 

"Babe-" Louis tries, but Harry interrupts him again.

"And I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but, I don't know. It just seemed like you were trying to make me feel worse about wanting to leave on purpose. Which isn't true, I know, because you didn't- Never mind. Please forgive me. I've already made arrangements to move my stuff out-"

"No!" Louis huffs. "You. Are. Not. Leaving."

"Louis-"

"Where are you?" he demands, already marching around in search of his car keys. "God dammit, Harry, where the fuck are you?"

"Why?"

"I'm coming to get you, of course." Louis slides his feet into his shoes quickly, stumbling as he rushes toward the door. 

"No, you can't- I mean, he's not home-"

"You're at Niall's, great, I'll be right there."

hi hi hiiiiiiiiii guys

i just wanted to ask you to follow me on tumblr because no life and sad amount of followers (harryandlouistbfh) and if you have ask.fm hey tell me bc im on there a lot too for some reason