Caught [l.s] (boyxboy)

another author's note.

i've had a really, really, really shitty day, so i apologize if i sound a little bit bitchy in this author's note.

i don't like the pressure i feel to update. okay? i don't. i know no one has directly come up to me via pm or message and demanded that i update, i know no one has pissed me off by telling me to update in the comments (i don't mind if you do, to be honest. i just love that you comment in the first place) but i feel like the entire world is falling apart if i skip an update. see, i have a very strict schedule; wake up, do my hair and makeup, get my shit, go to school, learn -not really tbh-, drama club/dance/violin, homework, dinner, write, sleep. repeat. every day. i'm not tired, i'm not stressed out, i just. i feel like i have to update, and that's actually my fault. it's a part of my personality, i'm a very anxious, stubborn perfectionist. i can't help it. so this previous week i've been kinda sketchy with my updates, they've been short and pretty shitty and not every day, and for that i am sorry.

i'd really hate to force myself to take a break because i know you guys do enjoy the frequent updates and i usually do too, but if it gets to the point where i feel like i can't control all of this paranoia that you're all going to turn against me or something then i'm sorry, i'm going to need to force myself off wattpad for a week or two. it'll be really hard on me though, i can't adapt very well to change. so i need you to understand that, please do; it's not your faults. i love you guys, but this is just. i don't know. if you've ever dealt with any sort of internal struggle like this then you know, obviously, but if you haven't i realize that it might seem like it makes absolutely no sense. i can't explain it, actually. i've been driving myself insane with worry for the past two and a half days. this has to stop.

i can't keep putting out crap when i know i can do better just so i can feel like i haven't let you all down or something.

i'm sorry. (please don't immediately jump to the conclusion that i'm going on hiatus now. i'm not. i still plan to update tomorrow and we'll see how next week goes, yeah?)