blue | [hky!!]

oikawa tooru

i wanna sleep next to you

and that's all i wanna do right now

a worrisome glance at his dimly lit cellphone told the brunet that it was already three in the morning, yet sleep was still far away from his grasp. he wanted to sleep, truly he did, but how could he when he was haunted with the image of a distant source of warmth?

he turned his head towards his right, his right arm outstretched to the right side of the bed, where it felt too cold; too empty for his liking. his heart ached with a blinding desire for something to warm the bed- something along the lines of hands held together in the most loving fashion; bodies intertwined in the most beguiling manners.

and i wanna come home to you

but "home" is just a room for all my safest sounds.

no, not something; someone. his conscience echoed in the abyss of his mind, as the memory of your complexion flashed before his tired eyes.

the nostalgic times you both held each other so closely, so dearly, without a care for the world. in fact, it was almost as if you were each others' world, destined to revolve around one another in order to blossom beautifully. it was at this moment in life that he felt most comfortable with not only who he was, but with you- most especially how you were able to make him feel so secure: physically and emotionally.

but the gods called, and requested for your soul against his wishes: against his wishes to be by your side for all of universal eternity, against his wishes to grow with you, and watch you grow into the most beautiful angel in the process.

'cause you know that i can't trust myself

and my three a.m. shadow

"screw this," oikawa cursed with a raspy voice. he stood off the bed, and glanced at the world below behind the looking glass. it was silent and lonely; not even stray dogs would pass by this rich, urban area of the city.

"i wonder, if i had become a doctor instead, maybe i would have been able to save you." he breathed out against the window pane, a tiny circle of mist forming on the glass. his breath smelled like leftover chicken noodle soup.

"maybe then, i could have been with you more."

he grazed his slender fingers over the cold window, reminiscing of the days he was at his happiest state- a state only you could maintain so effortlessly: he found himself reminiscing over good days long gone. thus, he found himself begging to no one in particular to bring back his piece of peace.

then, out of the blue, the star athlete felt a weight press down on his left shoulder, and when he craned his head he nearly fell of the armchair.

"you- how did you get here?" he asked breathlessly, his brown eyes wide and full of disbelief.

i'd rather fuel a fantasy

than deal with this alone

you pointed to the bed- specifically to his side of the bed- before laying down on the right side of the bed, comfortable and relaxed. oikawa, on the other hand, was building up a bubble of hesitation within his blood, yet it instantaneously popped the moment he obeyed and lay his head on the soft pillow once more.

you draped an arm over oikawa's waist, letting your warm breath hit his nape, oblivious to the effects it brought to the latter.

"this isn't going to last forever, tooru," you began, shifting your body to face him, "this long-distance relationship, i mean."

oikawa could only sigh; either in dismay or in disagreement, it was hard to differ, as he replied, "i suppose heaven and earth are quite far apart, aren't they?"

you could only hum a sweet tune in reply, as you raked your own fingers into his badly tousled hair.

"you're beautiful," the latter sighed, giving in to your enticing touch, "even if you're not real."

i wanna sleep next to you

but that's all i wanna do right now

he remembered the night you voluntarily said goodbye to the earth and all its inhabitants. and all of a sudden, he regretted the days where he made you do things you didn't want to do; he despised the times he had to abandon you for a game of hot potato with fellow well-paid foreigners. he realized was doing okay without you, but were your feelings mutual?

“you don't have to force yourself to suffer so much, tooru.” you spoke with the softest tone. you now stood off the bed, seemingly heading out of the hotel room, leaving behind a hypnotized oikawa tooru. utterly absorbed in his own hallucination, he chased your mysterious figure down the hallways, into the elevator, and it was only when he pressed the button to the rooftop did he realize what was going on.

“ah damn, i'm so messed up in the head.” he scolded himself as he repetitively pressed on the tenth floor (where his hotel room was located). nonetheless, the elevator soared upwards to the rooftop, and almost immediately the frosty wind and nighttime view knocked all air out of oikawa's lungs.

“fresh air is nice, every once in a while. especially when you're feeling so blue.”  you said, walking towards the edge of the rooftop which was barricaded securely, with oikawa trailing behind like a lost puppy— that is, until he realized where he was standing.

all of a sudden, he curled his slender fingers into fists so forcefully his knuckles began to pale. and with a scowl, he asked, “why. . . why did you bring me here?”

but you were completely unfazed by the hostile behaviour; if anything, your bright optimism had brightened further, as you replied, “silly tooru, you brought yourself here, for i am nothing but a figment of your imagination.”

oikawa turned away from the truth in frustration, in sorrow, in regret. he no longer wanted to even glance at the evil product of his own mind, out of the fear he would break completely.

but, to his surprise, you grasped his cold hands, holding them close to your chest.

“you know what to do.”

oikawa still hadn't craned his head to spare a glance, but he knew very well what you— or, rather, his conscience was telling him to do. and a part of him objected against such an idea, but the darkness that was consuming a good chunk of his pure soul overpowered the remaining light in his heart.

so he closed his tired eyes, and let his cold hands slip away from your hands, that had begun to feel just as cold. and he prayed his final words no longer to the gods, but to your soul, wherever it may be:

so come over now

and talk me down

🥀

this was supposed to be an ldr thing but then i thought "noo that's not sad enough smh"

also OMG WATTPAD QUIT ON ME AND DELETED THE LAST PART OF THIS CHAPTER FML SO I HAD TO REWRITE A SHITTIER ENDING TYSM GLITCHES