blue | [hky!!]

shimizu kiyoko

adults au.

strangers:

killing my lonely nights

with strangers,

“and that's a wrap!” the team leader claps their hands together to summon the attention of all his colleagues, kiyoko included. “thanks for staying behind, guys. i really appreciate it, especially since we have one less task ahead of us now.”

“now we got another task: get proper sleep.”

and with that, everyone goes their separate ways as they pack up and prepare to finally get a good night's sleep. on the other hand, the quiet female was hoping to stay behind a little more, thus she insists to everyone that she'll be the one cleaning up. it most certainly did take more effort to coax the team leader, but luck and skills of persuasion seemed to have been by her side, so she manages to remain by herself in her workplace for the next few minutes.

and when they leave,

i go back to our song

i hold on.

hm, i'm so tired, play. she internally vocalizes her actions as she plugs in her earphones to your cellphone, listening to a certain sad type of music. as the song plays over and over again, kiyoko lets her melancholic thoughts settle in once more.

to mourn over a heartbreak, at this point, was a bad habit for her; perhaps even a routine. it has been only three months, after all, since the dramatic parting of her first and only ex-lover, thus her frustration attraction has been at its peak lately.

and all of a sudden, the desperation to remember hits the young woman like a truck. she feels desperate to preserve the memories of the angel she loved endearingly.

it was torturous to bear, yet she loved the image of your smiling face; it was agonizing to reminisce, yet she loved replaying the sound of your melodic laughter, as it rings it her eardrums, overpowering the song; and, it was so excruciating to feel, yet she wanted more of your endless warmth every night.

i did not expect love to play out like this, kiyoko sighs deeply, as if exhaling so much would kick out all her bothersome thoughts. it's far from what i've pictured out.

she hated the results. she wanted to turn back time to change. but change what? she didn't know where she went wrong. was it because she lied about her opinion on your outfits? was it because she couldn't make breakfast for you all the time? was it because—

she exhaled once more, her pale hands quivering as she fiddles with her ball pen. and as she is left alone with her heart-wrenching thoughts, she has made the most lachrymose epiphany in all her life.

i don't want to let you go.

hurts like heaven,

lost

in the sound;

why did you have to leave like that? coldly, heartlessly, ruthlessly, you said your goodbyes to her during one spring dusk.

she wanted you to stay. she wanted to grab ahold of your wrist, and tell you, “i don't want you to go. please stay,” but she couldn't. she couldn't bring herself to force you to make her happy while you would wound up unhappy. that was selfish, thar was rude, and so out of character for her.

truth be told, kiyoko was never one to step on others for her sake. rather, she'd lift them up along with her, even if they never noticed. but in a situation where your lover wanted to leave you for the sake of careers, how could you find a positive way around it? how could you make someone happy without being unhappy? in the same way, how could you be happy without making them unhappy?

life is so unfair;it never treats us the way we deserve to be treated. life is the only being we allow to step on us, to manipulate our puppet strings that tug at our hearts. as a result, we all do stupid things we would either be glad we did it, or regret it forever.

ah, there it is again; that unfamiliar pain. kiyoko remarks as her right hand hovers on the left side of her chest. unbeknownst to her, her heart wrenches in lachrymose pain whenever she thinks of you; tears threaten to spill over her lashes as she daydreams; and, worst of all, her eyes still scan her surroundings like a hawk in a vain attempt to find you hiding in the bustling crowd.

“it hurts,” her voice wavers as she speaks to nobody in particular. perhaps she meant it for you, but you weren't around to ease her pain anymore, “it hurts to love you, but i still love loving you.”

buzzcut season,

like you're still

around.

h

er antsy fingers slide across the screen of her cellphone, triggering another song to play.

“i remember when your head caught flame,” the lyrics sing.

you looked so upset that day, while i was innocent and unknowing what was going to happen next: and what did happen next, it was as if all bottled up emotions have been sparked, creating a disastrous fireworks show.

“it kissed your scalp and caressed your brain.”

the fireworks show that day was horrible. worse, you let the hot fireworks blind you amidst your frustration, amidst your rage. i don't know whether to feel disappointed or guilty.

buried thoughts begin to resurface before kiyoko realizes, causing the saddest tears to flow down her pale cheeks. only when she feels wetness on the back of her hand does she realize she was crying.

“you were so beautiful that day, yet so frightening to look at.” she whispers into the lonely night, surrendering completely to the angst her broken heart holds.

“indeed, it hurts to love, but i love you.”

can't unmiss

you,

i need you now.

_

i stayed up for this
bc i know my randomest
and angstiest thoughts
would hit me at like,,
3am lol

dis sucks lol i know that

ALSO I KINDA NEEDED TO RELEASE SOME STEAM (check my conversations ft. an otome game lmAo)

— SUPER RAW N' UNEDITED!!