blue | [hky!!]

ushijima wakatoshi

i see swimming pools

and living rooms

and aeroplanes

it's a little strange: you were my everything; you were my beloved.

the unbearable winter suspiration biting at your fingertips most certainly did not help your journey on the way back home. at the very least, with nothing else on hand to accompany your lonely travel, you had your abnormally intrusive thoughts singing in soft, alluring tones as you wholeheartedly listened to their woes.

no, i already told myself i'm over ushijima, you replied, albeit halfheartedly, a pitiable smile unraveling across your lips. you repeated the same line, treating it like a mantra; you told yourself you were no longer in love with the striking talent of his; you told yourself you were no longer in love with his plain-speaking personality; you told yourself you were no longer in love with his alluring aesthetic attraction—

and then, those voices took the next step to absolute anguish: intrusive images. images of the past, and images of the impossible future.

"love," ushijima spoke out of the blue, referring to you. a mug of hot coffee was found in his grasp, as he intently gazed at your own eyes when you made eye contact, "i want to buy a house; a bigger house."

habitually, you glanced around your surroundings that made up your cozy castle; it was the best you could afford during post-graduation days, but it was still rather modern and in near-perfect condition (perhaps due to wakatoshi's great care for it). still, having big dreams was never an issue for either of you, and so you sat with him, rambling on about what should definitely go in the new house.

"ooh, i want a swimming pool, wakatoshi!" you declared excitedly, already visualizing the ideal model of the swimming pool. "and a spacious living room, with a ceiling not even you could reach!"

"what? then what good would the ceiling be?... actually, it'd be better that way, so that i don't have to hit my head all the time just by standing."

"and then, when we get a little older, we'll have children of our own, and they'll be flying paper planes way up until it can reach the ceiling." you cooed, eyes half-closed due to the great deal of daydreaming. surprisingly, the male hadn't faltered at the idea of having children— well, he shouldn't, especially since you both were engaged.

were.

i see a little house

up on the hill

and children's names

"ah, i can hear my life savings begging for mercy," you whined upon realizing how expensive it would actually cost to build an idyllic dollhouse. even wakatoshi was losing his life savings, and it sent you to a guilt trip; sure, it was his idea, but you encouraged him like enthusiastic parents watching their child walk for the first time.

ah, speaking of parenthood, you interjected inwardly, as you timidly glanced at your husband, silence consuming the atmosphere: an uncomfortable mix of anxiety and disorientation. you wanted things to work out, for the sole reason you loved ushijima wakatoshi to infinity and beyond. it revolted you how your conscience could suggest cheaper alternatives for the sake of playing safe. no, this was what the both of you wanted and that alone was reasonable enough for you. in addition, you knew that not even wakatoshi wanted to give up either— for he was simply not that kind of guy.